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The Pokemon Trio
Moderators: Mektar, goldenquagsire
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The Pokemon Trio
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Bug Catcher   Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji] 
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Discontinued discontinued
_________________  Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Mon May 21, 2012 6:12 pm |
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Pokemon Master   Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:01 pm Posts: 2281 Location: In your house, nunchuking all of your shit.
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Very good grammar, compared to a few other things I see in here. I'm interested to see how this turns out!
Also, kudos to you for the Bidoof playing the bit of the outcasted pokemon role. However, I recommend that you give a bit more exposition to characters. I am having trouble with finding out certain aspects of the characters. But, continue on, its good! _________________ "As I look up from the ground I see darkness all around And I'm lost but can be found up in the sky Goodbye" |
| Mon May 21, 2012 7:55 pm |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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Not discontinued actually but I'm rewriting
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:33 pm, edited 2 times in total. |
| Tue May 22, 2012 6:44 pm |
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Dragon Tamer   Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 4:58 pm Posts: 238 Location: Beach City
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This story is fabulous! I wish my writing flowed as well as yours does, it's interesting too! Please continue!
 _________________   sad but rad |
| Wed May 30, 2012 7:39 pm |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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RIP man this is a WIP lmaO
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:32 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:04 pm |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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I'm actually crying at my old writing but hey it's cool
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:34 pm, edited 2 times in total. |
| Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:08 pm |
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Pokemon Master Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:01 pm Posts: 2281 Location: In your house, nunchuking all of your shit.
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Very good! Although, I would like to point out that you said "Operation: Leave the House has just inaugarated". I think the word 'commenced' might work better. All in all, very good. I especially got a few lols out of the writing. Also, I like your avatar. I cant figure out why, though... :p
_________________ "As I look up from the ground I see darkness all around And I'm lost but can be found up in the sky Goodbye" |
| Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:31 pm |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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I actually wish I could delete my own posts but I guess not
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:35 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Wed Jun 06, 2012 8:08 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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This is the longest of the chapters so far it seems, I'm impressed with little me
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:36 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Wed Jun 06, 2012 8:14 am |
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Dragon Tamer Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 4:58 pm Posts: 238 Location: Beach City
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I was trying very hard not to laugh from this. XD Very entertaining~
_________________ sad but rad |
| Tue Jun 19, 2012 7:21 pm |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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I cannot believe my ex used to read this story, and that she commented below. That's crazy
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:38 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:05 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:42 am Posts: 4
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Well gee Nicki. Love yah too but honestly I was going to compliment you and you know I only speak the truth when critisizing
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| Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:17 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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Oh puh-lease no you weren't!
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| Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:19 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:42 am Posts: 4
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I have to warn you. In chapter two there are a few ... incorrectly written sentences. Some of them need a semi-colon or a coordinating conjunction to be written correctly. We don't want a comma splice now do we? Overall I thought it was well written and I like how it flows from one place to next. I've read some others and I found most of them choppy but yours seems more natural. I hope you stick with this story line. It could really turn into a fantastic story. One pointer though is that you might want to define your characters more and give us more of a sence of their thoughts. Their wants and desires. Maybe even their fears. Add a little more depth and this story will unfold magnificently.
_________________ Last edited by Articuno63 on Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total. |
| Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:33 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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How did she even know what those were back then? Coordinating conjunction? Comma splices? We were like five years old, we weren't learning how to use semicolons correctly yet.
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:39 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:36 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:42 am Posts: 4
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Well I'm glad to hear it becauseI really do think this story will unfold rather nicely so keep it up.
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| Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:38 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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I'm still laughing actually. Coordination conjunction. I'll mash together a coordinating conjunction with a semi-colon and a comma splice. I'll call it, THE COLLEGE KILLER, because it'll kill my college career
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:44 pm, edited 2 times in total. |
| Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:03 pm |
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Dragon Tamer Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 4:58 pm Posts: 238 Location: Beach City
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Great! The only thing I can point out is that it is spelled "Zubat". And there are a couple typos here and there, but that doesn't really matter. Unless DNA reads this.
You write fabulously, please continue~ _________________ sad but rad |
| Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:27 pm |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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Whoops! I thought I spelt that wrong, thanks! I was too lazy to look it up, of course.
 _________________ |
| Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:57 pm |
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Pokemon Master Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:01 pm Posts: 2281 Location: In your house, nunchuking all of your shit.
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Dragonair101 wrote: Unless DNA reads this. OHSHI- I just realized that Dragonair101 wrote: Unless DNA reads this In the end of chapter 5, I kinda got confused as to why Ken lashed out, so try to emphasize on the other characters' thoughts. Other than that... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... YAYZIEZ!!!!!!11!!!1!!1one!!one!! EDIT: Oh god, what have I done?!? My mind must have been on crack or something! You people remind me of how Drago_girl and I talk sometimes. _________________ "As I look up from the ground I see darkness all around And I'm lost but can be found up in the sky Goodbye" |
| Tue Jun 26, 2012 5:30 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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I came up with a backstory in like .02 seconds because, as a man who now has a load of practice under his belt, I'm good at developing all this crap now
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:56 am |
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I got -10200 in Jeopardy  Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:31 pm Posts: 714 Location: Obsessing over my paper cranes (props to whoever gets this reference, no one will)
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I love the story, I think it flows beautifully and is very poetic. I love the way you use pokemon in your metaphors and the only problem I have with it is I can't read more of it!
_________________ Thanks to Dare234 for the Awesome Banner.   and  and  and  and  and  rock. (Get it?)PLANNING ON GETTING 1000 POSTS BEFORE OCTOBER 1ST. HELP ME BY MAKING NEW THREADS THAT I CAN SPAM IN So, this forum just got a revamp, its now interesting, we have a few members, we have some games, we're about to open a Forum Shopping Center to buy Pokemon and Items... (If we get store clerks). We have a WEREWOLF game, and I know how much Psypoke likes Werewolf, so If you're itching to play a shorter game than usual, sign up. |
| Tue Dec 11, 2012 10:43 pm |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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Who is Clover?? There's a person named Clover in this chapter and I don't even remember them whoops
_________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:47 pm, edited 2 times in total. |
| Mon Jul 29, 2013 7:49 am |
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Bug Catcher Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 2:55 pm Posts: 21 Location: [Shrug emoji]
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Haha sorry for the short short SHORT chapter guys, but I think it got the general point across about Clover, no?
Anyways I'm working on the next chapter so hopefully it'll be up WAY sooner than the last one //crosses fingers EDIT: My GOD it has been over three years since I've so much as touched this fic. Time to change that. I also have no idea who Clover is, still, and they probably won't stick in the story. WHOOPS _________________ Last edited by Evolutions44 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:49 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Mon Jul 29, 2013 11:53 am |
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Bug Catcher  Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:21 am Posts: 3 Location: New Bark Town, Johto
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My favorite Pokèmon starters are Chikorita, Cyndaquil, and Totodile. They're from Johto.
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| Sat Oct 19, 2013 12:51 pm |
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