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Miasma's Current Project: Jade....FANFIC CANCLED BY AUTHOR
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Author:  Miasma [ Sat Sep 02, 2006 12:54 am ]
Post subject:  Miasma's Current Project: Jade....FANFIC CANCLED BY AUTHOR
Sorry, guys. This Fanfic has been canceled on the grounds that I am no longer a member of this forum. Since I hope to publish this some day, I'm deleting it from here. Can't have my greatest work just floating around a forum unattended, right?
Author:  Flarey [ Sat Sep 02, 2006 1:05 am ]
Post subject: 
Awesome is the first word that springs to mind. Hiyaah!! Is the second :P Seriously, amazing work. The description is utterly brilliant, and your use of language devices ((lol damn my English teacher to eternal hell for cursing me to look for language devices!!! :mad: )) is very effective. Awesome work, I can't wait for the next part!
Author:  Birdknight [ Sat Sep 02, 2006 4:12 am ]
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Yay! This is soooo good! I really liked it. Keep writing it! 9/10!
Author:  Miasma [ Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:06 pm ]
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Here's the exciting conclusion to the first chapter!!!

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Author:  Crimson [ Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:32 pm ]
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You obviously do have a talent for writing, but personally I wouldn't continue reading this if it were a book. At this point your main character would annoy me because, in my opinion, she's a bit mary-sue. Which is the problem with plot lines like this, being a Mary-Sue isn't necessarily bad. To my understanding the captain in Moby Dick is a Gary-Stu character by most people's definitions but that makes him rememberable in that incident, I haven't personally read the book but I've heard that from many people. Please don't take offense to that you are a talented writer, I tend to be abnormally picky about characters at times.

I can give you a useful link if you want it, it's a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu test.
Author:  Miasma [ Sat Sep 02, 2006 11:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
No offense taken at all.

Yeah, I agree that she is a bit Mary-Sue in the first couple chapters. Keep in mind that I started writing this over a year ago, and my writing skills weren't as good back then.

You'll notice her lose some of her perfection later because I got bored of her flawlessness within the first few weeks of writing the book.

Just a heads up for everyone to bear with me during these beginning chapters. I'm warning you guys that she will be annoyingly flawless until around chapter four. :wink:
Author:  Flarey [ Sun Sep 03, 2006 3:22 am ]
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Personally I like her. I dunno why, she's a bit of a mystery. I'd keep reading for sure - who is she? Where did she come from? Tell me more about her family, what exactly happened to them? Why does she seem to hate men?

I'd definitely keep reading if it were a book, and I will definitely keep reading now - keep posting!

Btw - SCISSOR FIEND!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Author:  Registeel_Rocks [ Sun Sep 03, 2006 10:05 am ]
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8/10
Good, decent, and above par. No real bad aspects I can see about this story.

I suggest seperating more sentences into paragraphs; it's easier on the eyes.
Author:  Miasma [ Sun Sep 10, 2006 3:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Here's the next installment:

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Author:  Flarey [ Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:29 pm ]
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I get far too worked up over stories, that's all I can say. :P

Brilliant, as usual. Good thing nobody noticed me gasping and staring at the screen, eh ^_^;;
Author:  Crimson [ Thu Sep 14, 2006 6:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
I was thinking about it and I realized every writer needs a mary-sue story, just to be able to say 'wow, what was I thinking'. I may post my story from 3 years ago. It's a mary-sue one, I was thinking of rewriting it anyway.
Author:  Miasma [ Sat Sep 23, 2006 6:23 am ]
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Sorry for the delay, but here's the next post! Rejoice!

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Author:  comedianmasta [ Sat Sep 23, 2006 8:01 am ]
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I am ashamed to call myself a writer. I don't think I can contin continue with my books with your's in the same section. It's perfect.... well almost. It seems you've made all men in this book complete idiots and drunks or pigs. Not all guys are like that. I know your just trying to make a character better but try and clean it up. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE IS AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My book sucks compared to yours....... I admit... defeat.



it's good. I'll be waiting for the next part.
Author:  Miasma [ Sat Sep 23, 2006 8:26 pm ]
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Yeah, the men in this book are pretty dumb for a while. Just wait a few chapters. You'll start seeing a change in not only Jade's tone but the overall intelligence of her opponents. :wink:

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Author:  comedianmasta [ Sun Sep 24, 2006 5:37 am ]
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Sounds good, it's moving along smoothly. I was wondering if what you meant by Cronicles is you're going to make more than one book? If you are than I definat'y want to read them.

Just a thing I had an idea for another book for this or a third or something but if your anything like me, even a little bit, than you have your other books somewhat planned out and/or you hate people giving you ideas on your book.

It's going great. Can't wait for the next part.
Author:  Flarey [ Sun Sep 24, 2006 5:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's almost a waste to post in here :P I can't think of a single way to compliment you. Personally I don't have a problem with how stupid most of the bad guys are. I quite like the stereotyping of it all, and I can actually see her doing all of that, which is even better :P I can see her jumping, attacking them, everything. Your description is superlative! Seven thumbs up, and keep it coming! :D
Author:  Miasma [ Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:01 am ]
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Again, thanks for the feedback, guys. You all rock!

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Author:  AABM [ Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:43 am ]
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<font color="999999">wow! man, this is nice! I like it verry much, Way to Go Miasma!</font>
Author:  emaricaman [ Tue Oct 10, 2006 8:04 am ]
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ok too long a story but still good
Author:  poorcolossus [ Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:51 am ]
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Very good, Karnes! I'm imagining it as an anime, if that counts. *watches for replies*
Author:  Miasma [ Tue Oct 10, 2006 10:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
As you all probably know, my Grandmother is dying, so it may be a while between my posts as I only have time to surf the net late at night after everyone is asleep...sorry...for any inconvinence. Life sucks some times...as does death...

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Author:  comedianmasta [ Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:58 am ]
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It's great dude. This story is unfolding nicely. Though, your started to sound a little rushed. A LITTLE. not enough to take away from the total AWSOMENESS of your story.
Author:  Cecil [ Wed Oct 11, 2006 6:07 pm ]
Post subject:  I wont lie
Mate you have me captivated in your story

I'M NOT WORTHY OF YOUR GREATNESS!!!!!!!! :shock:

Now I must go hide in a dark room till you post again

Your aussie goddess
Author:  Cecil [ Wed Oct 11, 2006 6:10 pm ]
Post subject:  I wont lie
Mate you have me captivated in your story

I'M NOT WORTHY OF YOUR GREATNESS!!!!!!!! :shock:

Now I must go hide in a dark room till you post again

Your aussie goddess
Author:  Flarey [ Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Crikey, Cecil, you make us all look bad, mate! Nobody calls people mate anymore, you're completely using our stereotype against us :(

Miasma, your story is brilliant. The last part did seem a tad rushed, but I thought it added in well to the suspense of the short but extreme fight. The section before that had me covered in goosebumps - not by any means a small feat to have brought that on me :P

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, but try not to let yourself get too down, ok? We don't want you depressed. Keep up the awesome fic. :)
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