ATENTION RvB LOVERS! IT IS BACK IN ACTION! I WILL NOW CONTINUE IT! FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO LEARN ABOUT IT READ THE BELOW STORIES. I Will start, again, with the christmas special I decided to do up (at the bottom). Ok have a good day.

continue with the story.








Hi, I'm LT. Church from the Internet series Red vs Blue. I am here to tell you that this will be an upgraded form of Red vs Blue made by the unknown Comedianmasta.

I'm Sarge. For those Dirtbags who don't know what Red vs Blue is. It's a story about a civil war between the humans that happen in about a thousand years after your time! Basicly it's the Reds, my team, versus the Blues, church's team.


We decided to put this little presentation together so you can get to know the characters. We will try to do it in teams. There may be no real story line to the Blood Gulch Cronicles but we will try to put it together as best as possible. Now, lets get started.



Nate Comedianmasta Presents:

RED vs
BLUE

The Blood Gulch Cronicles


---------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------Red Team-----------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hey, dirtbags. Front and center.

Why do we have to do this every day Sarge?

Because, this is what we do every day. So stop wining Grif.

Sarge. Just for the record, I think this is a great idea.

Thank you Simmons. but I want to make a speach about our victory over the blues.

Another one?

Yeah! Story time!

As we speak, the blues are over there making a secret plot to destroy us. They are going to get ready to attack. I can't have that. So has I usually say, I want you all on your highest gaurd. When your chores are done for the day, I want you to secure the perimiter until further orders.

So basicly you want me to secure the perimiter? As in go keep watch on the bases roof?

Yes, you lazy Dirtbag. I do.

Oh! Sir, I want to see your ideas on the new decorating idea I have.

No, Donut. I don't want to hear any more ideas about how to spice up the base with flowers and fountains and such.

But Sarge

I said no. For god's sake man, this is the army!

Yeah, Donut. Besides, you know that the rules for submitting any complaints and/or new ideas must be in writing and no less than 100 pages.

Oh, it was 100 pages. I thought it was ten.

Ya, that's why I stopped following the rules. I hoped mabye they'd kick me out of the army but it hasn't happened yet.

In your dreams, Dirtbag. Now follow through with your orders. Dismissed.




----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------Blues--------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


1 hour later



*Yawn* What a great day to start, and only 8:00 too.

Shut up Tucker. It's not like it's any different. I'm going to watch the reds again, make sure they don't have any plans to attack.

Cool, have fun.

Your comming too.

What? No way.

Yes way, or you can stay here with Caboose.

When are we leaving?

Good-morning everybody. I have good news. I did not wet the bed last night.

Ya... great news Caboose. Listen, me and Church are leaving today to watch the reds. You stay here and gaurd the base. Ok?

Do not worry, I can gaurd the base like an egg.

...

...

You have fun. Can you drop by the store and pick up more milk and hot souce?

Uhh... Caboose there is no store.

Oh, than I'll just call the pizza delivery guy to do it.

Ok... you do that. Later Caboose.

Ya... see ya.

*outside the base*

Dang, that Caboose guy is weird.

Ya, but he's strong as an Ox

That's the only thing good about him.

Ok, lets go watch the base.

Ok.







If any one is wondering I try not to copy from the orriginal movies (I have not seen them all yet) but I will try to put in the characters. I AM NOT copying from them and I donot call these my own. This is a movie series orriginaly from Hens Teath Productions but I'll try to spice it up Comedianmasta style. So, tell me what you think?




If you want a link to see which character you are most like to help with the voting than here's a link.RedvsBlue Quiz

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------RED-----------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes after the speech. Simmons and Grif stand watch at the base.


Hey?

Ya?

Have you ever wondered why we're here?

Well, that's one of life's greatest mysteries, isn't it?. I mean, why are we here? Are we some random product of a big bang or... is there really a god?

...

...

What? No! I mean why are we here, in this canyon.

Oh...

...

...

What was all that stuff about god?

Nothing...

You sure? You wanna talk about it?

No...

Ok. Any way, I mean. Why? I mean, the only reason we have a red base here is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there is because we have a red base here. Even if we just got up and went away and they came over and took over our base, they'd have two bases in a box canyon. Woopty Doo.

I know, really? I signed on to fight some aliens. Instead I'm stuck here. Doing this.

I know. Right?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------Blues---------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Church and Tucker sit in a small path in the canyon wall whatching the red base and the reds. Church has a sniper rifle and is watching two red soldiers from afar.


So... What are they doing now?

My god, Tucker. I hate it when you ask that!

Well don't yell at me. You're the one with the scope. I'm not going to sit here and twiddle my thumbs all day.

Okay, listen. They're just standing there and Talking. Standing and talking. That's all they ever do!!! Stand and talk. That's what they were doing last week!!! That's what they were doing five minutes ago when you asked me. And five minutes from NOW, when you ask me again, my answer is going to be... Standing around... and Talking.

Ok....

...

...

...

What they talking about?

You know what? I hate you, Tucker!


------Reds------

I know!!! That's why we should be in charge.

Yes, we should. We'd own this war.

Hey! Dirtbags! Get down here on the double!!

Crap...

Yes sir!


----Blues----

Hey, I got a call.

Who is it?

Caboose. something's up at the base. lets go.

Ok.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------REDS--------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Imediatly following the last episode, Sarge has a speical presentation for some of his new recruits. While this is going on a New character is introduced for the blues.

*Outside red base*


Ok, Dirtbags. Red Command has just given us a brand new vehicle. It's called the one-twenty-seven GTS All Terrain Jeep Cruiser. But since I don't want to say that all in a sentance, I decided to call it the Warthog.

The Warthog? Looks more like a Puma to me.

What was that?

A Puma. It's like a giant cat.

Grif, is this some imaginary animal you're making up? I think it is.

It's not sir.

I think it is, besides. Warthog is cooler. See the wench on the front? It looks like tusks. Now what animal has tusks?

walrise?

A what? GRIF! Stop making up imaginary animals! Is there anything you want to add? Fairy? Unicorn?

No

Gnome? Dwarf?

No

Leperchan?

You know what, he doesn't need any help Simmons!!!

Ok, so we're done? Ok, so this is now the Warthog. End of story!!!

Fine....

Man..... the nerve of some people. I thought he'd say mermaid next.

Let it go Sarge....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------BLUES-----------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Church and Tucker make it back to their base. Caboose is inside with a visitor.


Caboose? Caboose? Are you in here? Oh, there you are. What's the proble- AaAhHhHhH!!!

Whooo, what is it?

Do not be afraid, she has not tried to kill me, only shoot me in the leg. Which she missed...... but only by a little.

I know who that is...... Tex.

Hello, Church. It's been a while.

What are you doing here?

Is that any way to treat a girl?

Yes!

Wait, who is this?

This is Tex, she's a mercenary who can only bring trouble.

Trouble? I was hired by Blue command to help you win this stupid war. Remember?

Oh my....... that means she is here to kill us all.

No Caboose, that means she's here to help us beat the reds.

This isn't good! We don't need your help, Tex. We are fine! We have this under control!

Oh really?

Yes! We just got a new tank and we are going to be able to Pown any one!!

Oh really? Who knows how to drive it.

Well that's a stupid question. Obviusly...... uhh..... well...... Theres...... I mean........ Tucker can

No, that wasn't in basic training.

Ok..... than..... Caboo-..... wait a minute. Was I about to? What is wrong with me?

Oh Oh, wait. What is I could drive it!

Tucker and Church together: NO!!!

So, you got a tank that no one can drive?

Oh, shut up. Can you?

No.... but I just think that's weird.

Oh, what ever. Fine.... you can help. but ONLY for a little bit. and you're following OUR orders. well...... MY orders.

Ok, fine with me...... for now.




End of first chapter

before I go onto the next episode, I would love to point out the characters at this time


Sarge is the kick butt leader of the red team. His soul perpose in life is to kill the blues. He is good with guns, but bad at being a leader. He is the muscle of the red team.

Grif is the lazy one of the red team. He doesn;t like working, and hates standing around at the red base. He is sarcastic and found a life long enemy in Sarge. When he got stuck fighting the blues instead of aliens, he didn't want to serve anymore and, therefor, does all in his power to get kicked out of the army.

Simmons is the kiss butt secound in command of the Red team. He is super smart, but is a real suck up when it comes to how he acts around Sarge. He doesn't like Grif but he hates Donut more. He is an awsome gunner and great with mechanics.

Donut is the new guy of the Red team. He is often teased for his "Pink" armor but he doesn't let that bother him. He gets no respect but loves life and the world. He doesn't see the point in fighting but he does any way.

Lopez is the robot Sarge made for the red team. He is the smartest one out of them and the best mechanic. The problem is when he finally gets a voice chip it turns out he can only speak spanish.

Church is the leader of the blue team. He's a good sniper but leaves it out alot. This allows people to "mess" with his sights. He is short tempered and hates his team more than the reds. Though he is a bad fighter, he is a good leader, and the smartest of the blues.

Tucker is the ever loving Secound in command of the blues. He is a punk and loves his weamon and his cash. Though he is hated by church, he is the closest thing to a friend church has. He has a nack for getting into trouble and touching things he shouldn't.

Caboose is the dimwit of the intire character series. He is the new guy of the blues and often a pain to everyone around him. He seems to have a 4 year old mind though he is actualy the most sophisticated one on the show. He often doesn't like fighting and is loved by all.

Tex is the outgoing girl. She is a freelancer, or a mercanary to some of you. She is hired on to the blues and trys to help them with the fight. She was once Church's girlfriend.

Wyoming is a character soon to be introduced. He is also a freelancer hired to kill Tucker.

Sheila is the blues tank. She is about the most caring person on the team.

Red & Blue command are mysterius people who don't give verry good orders to their troops.



That is the brief sum up of the characters here. not all are introduced and I did that for a reason. ok, I hope you continue to enjoy red vs blue.

some character's color armor has not been chosen. so please wait for those.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------REDS------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarge is out for a favor for Red Command while Simmons and Grif stand gaurd at the Red base when Donut, the anoying rookie, comes up to "chat".

Hey guys.

Oh... hey Donut.

What are you guys doing?

Um... standing watch.

Oh cool, can I help?

Simmons and Grif look at each other and nod.

]Actualy, Donut. We have a verry important job for you.

Yes, I need you to go to the store and get me some...... Elbow Grease.

Yeah, and some headlight fluid too.

Ok, see you guys later.

...

...

...

You don't know where the store is, do you?

Yes I do!

Donut leaves the base and starts up a dirt road tward the outskirts of the canyon.

Ok, see you guys later.

Ok, bye Donut.

How long do you think it's gonna take him to find out there is no store?

A long time.

Who do those guys think I am? Elbow Grease? Come on! As soon as I get that headlight fluid I think I'll have a talk with Sarge.

Donut walks a while and sees blue base.

Oh, there is the store. WOW, they sell tanks here too?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------Blues-----------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Church, Tex, Caboose, and Tucker are outside the base and looking at the tank. They are trying to figure out how to drive it.

Did it come with a manual?

No

A guide book?

No

Did blue command tell you how to drive it.

NO, no no no no no. We have no idea how to drive it.

Why don't we just get inside and learn how to drive it by driving it?

Caboose, that is about the stupidest idea since liquid cups.

Ya Caboose, why don't you go inside the base and wait.

No, I want to help you guys out.

But..... Caboose. This is important. You see we need you to stand by.... the flag.... at attention. Because.... the General. The General is stopping by to look at the base and the most important part of it is the flag.

Ya, he'll be comming soon. Also, he doesn't look like us. He's... different. So go have fun.

Ok, I will not let you guys down.

Ok, you do that Caboose.

Caboose goes inside.

Ok, so now we got that figured out. How are we going to about the tank?

Donut comes up and sees the group. The group have their backs turned and are completly involved with the tank.

Umm.... Excuse me?

OMG!! If you don't get in the base when I count to three I am going to shoot you in the face!

What did I do?

1........2....

Ok OK, fine...

*sighs heavly*

Donut goes inside the base. After looking around a bit he finds Caboose by the flag.

Oh, hello there.

[/color=dpdgerblue]Oh, Hello mr. sir![/color]

Oh, wow... that's cool. Respect. Yes. Ok, is this the store?

Umm..... what?

Well... do you have any Elbow Grease....... or Headlight fluid?

Um..... no. But we have this flag.

Oh man. Well... I can't show back empty handed or the guys will kill me. Ok, I'll take this flag. How much?

Uhh..... free?

Oh wow. Thanks Mr. See you around I guess.

Ok, good-bye sir!

Donut leaves the base.

---------------------Reds-----------------

Any signs of the blues?

Nope....

Any sign of Donut?

heh heh... nope. Not a single sign- wait. What is that..... OMG. Simmons, get the warthog!

Ha ha, don't you mean the "Puma"

Simmons, it's not funny. Do it NOW!

------------------Blues------------------

No, that's a terrible idea.

Hey guys!

Church turns around

OMG WHAT CABOOSE?!?!?!?!?

Well, I just thought you should know, the General stopped by. and he took the flag.

Ya ya, ok. What ever. Get back inside! Any way, I think we should- wait... what did he just say?

Hello everyone. I'm private Tucker from the web series Red vs Blue. I'm here to talk about our new Poll thingy. You see, if you take the Red vs Blue quiz as shown on the first thread than you can "vote" whoever you were able to come up with on the poll. This will show people around psypoke which character is most found. Comedianmasta tried it and got me, Tucker. Of coarse if you really don't want to do it you could always vote for your favorite character.

Ya, and of coarse that would be the easy way out. No one wants that. So be a sport and vote. Also, it may be a good idea to post your feelings about Red vs Blue also what you think will happen in the story next. If you want to spoil the endings, as in if you've already seen the actual movies, you can go to the Red vs Blue section in the movies section.

Ya, ok it's time to go. Enjoy.

Now back to Red vs Blue

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------REDS-----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simmons and Grif run out of the base and toward the Warthog.

Go GO GO GO Go

Going Going Going Going

I call driving.

Fine, I'll get the gun.

They take their seats and take off.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------BLUES----------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The whole blue team is on the base and church is looking threw the sniper scope.

Are you sure?

Of coarse he is! The flag's gone!

Do you see him?

Umm....... ya. there he is?

Can you hit him from here?

Umm.... I think. Hold on.... here I go.

*Bang Bang Bang Bang*

All four shots miss. Donut Ducks.

WOOOH!!! Who's shooting at me!!

Church stops looking through the scope

What??? How did I Miss?

You missed?

Someone messed with the sites.

Oh ya.... right.

------------------------------Reds--------------------------

Simmons and Grif stop the Warthog and look around.

Are you sure you herd something?

Yes! I herd four shots, one after another. "Bang Bang Bang"

That was only three.

"Bang"

Well lets keep going, Donut is up ahead.

Ok, hey I'll turn the radio on.

*techno chiken dance turns on*

Omg...

---------------------Blues---------------

Donut does a series of ducking and weaving and waving the flag toward the blue base.

Hey, stop!!! Don't shoot. It's me! Remember? I got the flag!

~at blue base~

Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrasing.

Oh shut up Tucker! I got an idea. We'll go through the teleporter and catch up with him.

Umm... but it hasn't been tested.

Yes it has.

Throwing rocks through it is not the same.

Oh come on, are you scared?

Hell yeah! They came out all covered in black stuff and smoking. What if I burn up and die?

Ok, here's how it's going to work *points gun at Tucker* You go in or I'll shoot you.

What? Oh come on!

Now!

Fine..... but remember. I always said that rocks and humans were different.ok....1........2....

Tucker goes through the teleporter and Church, Tex, and Caboose look at the leleporter receiver a while aways. After a bit of no Tucker showing up at the other end, church nods and says

You know what, I think I'll walk. You two STAY HERE! or else.

He points at Tex than runs out of the base and runs after Donut.

----------------------Reds---------------------

Church runs up to Donut.

Hey, why are you shooting at me?

Hello? You got our flag! Your A RED!!I'm a blue!! That's why!

but you gave it to me! my goodness. I'm sorry, how much was it again?

OMG!!!! We're not selling it!

But your the store!

What? No we aren't! This is Blue Base! Are you an idiot?

What, no. I thought... well do you want it-

*POOF*

3!!! AAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Ahhh!!!

Ahhh!!!

Tucker apeared out of no where, and he was covered in some sort of black gunk.

Woooh, Tucker?

Wooh... that's weird. Oh, hey, freeze Sarge!

What? I'm not a Sargent. I'm still a private.

What? OMG!!!! The teleporter sent me back in TIME!!!!!!!! Sarge is still a private! Hey, you must be the younger church. Listen, this might seem weird but I come from the future.

Shut up Tucker! This is not the past!

I know it seems weird, but you see in the future-

Shut up!! This is not the future! and this isn't Sarge! His armor isn't even Red! It's pink!

No it isn't! It's lesser red.

Oh shut up, nobody asked you! Wait.... do you hear something?

The Warthog comes up over the hill and lands in between Church, Tucker and Donut.

OMG! Run!!!!

Church and Tucker run as Simmons shoots at them with the machine gun on the back of the Warthog. They run behind a rock and Simmons continues to shoot and yells curses.

Donut! How did you? Never mind. Run back to base. RUN!!!!!

Oh, ok!

Donut runs. Church and Tucker look at each other.

I vote for staying here till that thing runs out of bullets.

My vote is the same, cuz it sounds good.

Red vs Blue
Blood Gulch Cronicles

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------Blues-------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incase you don't know or don't remember, we last left Church and Tucker behind a rock being shot at by Simmons in the Warthog. Donut took the flag and ran to the red base. Grif is just standing there and rooting for Simmons, but after an hour of doing this.... things get boring.

OMFG!!!! Does this thing EVER run out of bullets???

Ok, I got a new vote. Lets try to fight them and get it over with.

SHUT UP TUCKER!!!!!

~Back at Blue Base~

Darn, they're getting spanked. I gotta go help them.

but but but; Church told us to stay right here.

Trust me, YOU stay here and I'LL go save the day.

but but

*Tex leaves*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------REDS---------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey Simmons, HEY SIMMONS!!!!!

*Simmons stops shooting and gets off the Warthog*

WHAT?

Hey hey hey, no need to yell now. Man that thing's load.

Yeah, yeah it is.

Ok listen, obviusly shooting at nothing is a bad plan and we're never going to get them that way.

But....... it was fun....... I don't have fun most of the time.

Ya, cuz your to busy kissing Sarge's butt.

Hey!

Any way, I have an idea. How about we go around these rocks here and flank them. Than we'll have them for sure.

Yeah that's a great idea. It will prolly save us from that other guy comming up.

What? Crap they called in reinforcments. Ok, we'll kill them in the rocks, than snipe them out.

Ok

*they leave the Warthog and head up into the rocks*

~Back at Blue Base~

Oh my...... that thing has a big gun. My best friend, Church, is in trouble.
*looks at Tank* Tank....... *looks at the Battle* stay here..... *looks at tank* tank..... yeah I think I will save Church in the tank!!!!

*he runs over to the tank and gets in*

Welcome to the T62-H Main Battle Tank. You can call me Sheila.

Hello...... sheila.

Would you like to start the totorial program?

Yes.... that would be nice.

*drives off*Lets start with driving


--------------------Blues---------------------

Hey, Tucker...... I think it stopped.

You do? Let's take a look.

No! Idiot! What if it's a trap. I'll look around carefully and see what's up.

*Church peaks around corner*

They seem to be gone.

Than lets take their Jeep.

No no no, it could be a trap. Hold on let me think.

~Meanwhile Tex is up on a ledge looking at the Warthog~

Well...... they seem to be gone. I wonder.... Oh, their's Church. What is he doing? Doesn't he see their gone? Now where did they go?

~With the reds~

Well, we just get up over this ridge and we should have them.

Woot, lets go kill some blues!

*tank comes up behind them and stops*

Do you here something?*he and Grif turn around slowly* OMG!!!!

Shh..... don't move.

Now for the targeting part of the totorial. You need to find a target or a practise device.

Hey, it's the red guys. I'll have them now.... which button Sheila?

You must press the red button to lock on *Beep* Targetting sequence initiated. Finding target.

Grif, we have to make a run for the Warthog.

Ok

On three.... 1

wait wait wait! you mean on three..... or right after three?

I mean like.... 3 and then go.

Ok, ok.... just count slowly.

Ok, 1...........2.......*Grif takes off running before him*....2 1/2........3 *turns around* why you son of a Gun!!!

*Tank targets Grif* Target locked. preparing to fire main cannon.

Ok, I'm going to make a run for it. Ok, here I go! *Church runs toward the jeep*

Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap...... go go go go go

go go go go go go go

Firing main cannon

*BOOM*

it misses Grif and hits the Warthog, blows it up and into the air. Church and Grif stop running, both were about to make it in

SON OF A GUN!

SON OF A GUN!

SON OF A GUN!

Son of a gun..... I missed.

*Simmons takes off* Go Grif go!!! We gotta make it to the base! Go!!

Targets found, initioating firing sequince. Firing main cannon.

*BOOM*

*BOOM*

AAAHHH!!!!

Go go go go go go

what the? hey the rookie got the tank and is scaring them off...... wow what a good rookie.

yeah, I guess he's pretty cool.

*Caboose takes off firing seqiunce* I wonder where Church is? He is my buddy and now he will be proad of me.

Simmons and Grif hide behind a rock

Firing main cannon. *BOOM* *She looks around, not seeing the targets she says* Targets nutrilized, new target being found

HEY!! ROOKIE! GOOD JOB!

The tank's turrent turns at Church

Target locked

that is not a target, that is Church.

What the heck is he doing?

OMG! Run Church run!

Oh... heck no...

*BOOM*

AHHHHH

Noooo!!

Nooo!!!

ahhhh!!!

ahhh!!!, please don't kill me.

Target, nutrilized.

What the heck, Caboose! You killed Church you craptard!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------REDS-----------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grif, Simmons, and Donut are back at base.

Ok, I think we lost it

Yeah, hey Donut, how did you get that flag any way?

I don't know, I just asked for it and they gave it to me.

And that worked?

Why? Have you guys ever tried it before?

Um..... no. We didn't think that would work

wait till Sarge finds out we killed the jeep.

Where is the jeep any way?

*BOOM* The jeep flies through the air and lands next to them.

Umm.... I found the jeep. But how...

*BOOM*

Ahhhh!!! It's the tank again!!

Get down!

*BOOM*

Oh no, what do I do?

uck!

*BOOM*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------BLUES--------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Firing main cannon

*BOOM*

Uh, Caboose? Why don't you take your lock off the jeep and fire at the base.

Because last time I took the lock off what it was on the tank killed CHURCH!

Ohh...... I see. Hey where did Tex go any way?

I do not know...

Hey, I bet she went back to base. Ok, in a bit we're going to head back. Ok?

Ok, but let's wait till Sheila's done.

Umm..... ok.

Firing main cannon

*BOOM*