This story comes from the website here

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Characters
Tragar- Protagonist (Main Character)
Professor- Side Character (Professor Kauri)
Gligar- 1st Pokemon (Nickname: Swoop)


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Chapter 1: The Beginning

Ever since he was a kid, Tragar was wanting to be a pokemon trainer. He lived in a small town a little distance from Littledale. Ever since he could talk, Tragar pretended to be a pokemon trainer. One day, when he was 14, he decided he was old enough to become one.

He packed up his clothes, he went to the Pokemart and bought 5 pokeballs and some potions, as well as other things like new clothes and backpack, with the money he saved up all his life. When he was finished he started on the road, but only after saying goodbye to his mother and father.

When Tragar got to Littledale Town, he was very exausted because he never traveled this far from home on foot before. He asked around about where the professor's lab was. When he got to the lab, he was excited and nervous that he thought he should wait until the next day. He knocked on the door. "Professor? Are you there?" Tragar heard someone yell "Coming!" and felt a relief that he was acually going to have a pokemon for a friend.

When the professor got to the door, she smiled. "Well, another new trainer, are you not? I can't believe how many there have been lately! Come in, come in!" The professor stepped aside, and Tragar looked around before fully entering. Remembering that he had never been in a pokemon lab before, he found at his surprise that the building wasn't very messy.

"So you are a new trainer, right? Not a reporter? Just kidding! There couldn't be reporters as young as you, right?" Said the professor, who was smiling at Tragar. "Have a seat. I will go check to see what pokemon that you can start with as a new trainer." Tragar nodded, and then the professor then left the room. Tragar was nervous once again. 'Will I get the pokemon I want? What kind will it be? Will it be my favorite, or something I would regret of owning?' He sat there tensely, waiting for the professor to come back...

The professor, after some moments, didn't return. Tragar sat there, waiting, almost sweating from the anxiety. After some time, the professor came back in.

Chapter 2: The Choice

"Sorry I took so long, but I had to dig deep for these puppies," she said, "Here they are. Your choices are : Gligar, Psyduck, and . . . I think you'll like this one . . . Cyndaquil!"

She threw a pokeball each time, releasing the said pokemon. Tragar stood there in amazement at all the good choices before him and began to contemplate which one he would choose . . . .

"I'll call you when I'm ready professor..." Tragar said to the professor. "Okay! When you are ready I'll be out back." The professor then exited out a different hallway...

'Which one should I choose? Gligar is pretty cool, and it is a Ground/Flying type...but Cyndaquil is a Fire type, and there are not that many of those....and Psyduck can learn water and psycic (sp?) moves...man this a a very tough decision....ok I think I am ready...'

After walking down the hallway the professor left in, he came to a door. When he opened it he found the professor taking care of a Starly. "Professor? I'm ready." Tragar said anxiously. "Well let's head inside this and you tell me which one you want, ok?" Said the professor, and Tragar nodded. When they reached the room they were in before, they found the pokemon playing tag. "Well? Which one do you choose?" Asked the professor. "I choose....Gligar...yea..." Tragar was still wondering if that was the right decision...but after another minute his mind was made up. He will get a Gligar and start his journey very soon....

The professor offers Tragar the pokeball, and he gladly accepts it..."Come out, Gligar!" shouts Tragar as he throws up Gligar's pokeball, and in a beam of red light he sees the form of Gligar. "GLIGAR!!!" says Gligar as he comes out of the pokeball. He first beams at Tragar with an evil look, and then, as if he forgave Tragar for something, he smiled. "Gligar!" Said Gligar as he threw up his winged arms in the air in excitement. "So...are you ready to start your adventure, Tragar?" Asked the professor. "I've been ready, professor. Let's go, Gligar." said Tragar sternly. "Gligar." Said Gligar and nodding. "Good. First you must head to Honeynut Town. It's the first town on your journey that you must go through." Explained the professor. "I hope that you and Gligar get along!"

Chapter Three: The First Fight

Tragar walks off on the small path that leads to Route 401. As he is walking through some bushes, some begin moving when he is. He stops in his pace, see if it was a pokemon. The moving stops. It ran away Tragar thinks, but as soon as he starts walking again, a Vulpix comes crashing at him, planning to ambush him from the front. So you didn't after all!

"Perfect! A Vulpix! One of my favorites!" said Tragar while grinning at the Vulpix. "Go Gligar!" Tragar threw Gligar's pokeball into the air, and out came Gligar. "Gligar!!!!"

"Go Gligar! Use Poison Sting!" Said Tragar. Gligar flew towards Vulpix with confidence and his tail stuck out to sting Vulpix....

Gligar stung the Vulpix with a big Force. The Vulpix didnt look injured, but a small purple spot appeared on it's Leg where the Stinger got it.

Vulpix came back at Gligar with a Tackle attack, which Hit Gligar. Gligar was unphased.

Vulpix's health was been sapped Slowly. I think it's Poisoned thought Tragar. Maybe one more attack would injured it enough for me to catch it!..

"Lets go Gligar! One more will get it!" said Tragar, Who was getting excited...

"Poison Sting once more Gligar!" Shouted Tragar, hoping that the Vulpix doesn't become knocked out....Gligar swoops toward Vulpix once again....Tragar readies one of his pokeballs...



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This is how far I am in my journey at PokeJourney. I will keep updating this story after a while....I just have to wait for the admins or mods to say something on there......

This story was made by more than one person...there are admins on PokeJourney that put there own submissions of what to do next....It is like playing your own pokemon game, where the starters are random, and you can acually talk to other people easier....

I like what you did with this, especially about the part of giving us admin/mods credit where needed. Of course, I know what happens next because I am one that updates. lol!

I'm happy to see that you understand the concept of trying to use proper grammar. Happy is definitly an understatement by the way.

Anyway, I don't think at this point a Character Guide is necessary but some authors like them. So it's just a taste thing I suppose.



That isn't grammatically correct, it should be, "Ever since he was a kid, Tragar had wanted to be a pokemon trainer."

Does that make sense to you? It makes a whole lot more sense.



How did he pack up his clothes if he didn't have a back pack yet? I understand what you were trying to do, but if you put them in a more...chronological order it will make more sense. It would make more sense to the reader if he bought his supplies first and then went home and packed everything into his new backpack.



Just some itchy twitchy stuff here. I'll just give an example of how I think it could be better and try to explain it from there. "When Tragar got to Littledale Town, he was exhausted because he had never traveled so far from his home on foot before."

As you can see, you misspelled the word I italicized. The word 'very' sounds akward, to my ears, with the word 'exhausted.' 'Exhausted' is already a very powerful word, if you wish to emphasize how exhausted he is you could use a different word such as 'extremely.' It would sound more natural with the word 'exhausted' than 'very' does.

The other two changes, the ones in bold, are more of a word choice/forgotten issue. If you say your sentence out loud, word for each word you wrote, you'll probably discover it sounds a bit off.

I won't bother quoting this next issue, a new paragraph begins each time a different character speaks or the topic changes.



Uh...how to put this...the ending sounds...dumb, cliche, and forced. It makes it look like you were trying to act as if you had more skill than you do. And compared to many of the writer's here you have a whole lot more. It just doesn't flow with the rest of the way she speaks. Some people do speak like that but the rest of their vocabulary carries similer 'olden' expressions.



It's spelt 'psychic.'

I didn't really like the way this sentence was set up...and I have a very strong feeling it's a run on sentence. Here's a sample of what you could do instead...

"Gligar is pretty cool, it's a Ground and Flying type of pokemon; but, Cyndaquil is a rare fire type. Psyduck can learn water and psychic moves, but the psychic moves only work if its headache gets really bad. Man this is a really tough decision...Okay, I think I'm ready."

Keep your tense consistant. You keep switching from present to past, and I know it seems fairly natural but you must keep the same tense throughout the composition.

Ok now my turn for you...



It's around my bed-time where I live, so I am tired...I'll fix this tomorrow...



I not a grammar master, sorry. I usually get grammar right, but when I type stories it usually turns sour.



All we had to do is say what we were gonna do and then say that we wanted a pokemon. If you look at the rules for starting it has more info. I was also rushing to do this part of the journey.



Yes well I guess I can edit it to say this. Thank you very much Crimson.



Sorry that I don't have a sense of strength in words. I am only 14 years old if you didn't know, and I'm pretty sure that you didn't know that.



I used this because there was a article in the forums about different meanings for words. I was going to say something else, but this was also when I was rushing to finish. I bet you would be partly excited to start your very own journey that you almost completely control over! Also, near the end of your paragraph where you call the vocabulary 'similer 'olden' expressions,' you spelled 'similar' wrong. So I had to get you for that.



Thank you very much, Crimson. I will remember this for later days.



Ok I like it. I thank you once again, Crimson.

I just don't like it when people critcize me having bad grammar. If I had typed that on FireFox it would have been much...cleaner, if I may call it...

Interesting...when I'm being nice I get the same reaction as when I'm not...I'll keep that in mind.

Anyway, we all are not without our own faults, my misspelling of 'similar' is a prime example. And many struggle with grammar, I was not badgering you, I was merely offering suggestions that you had not seen.

Trust me I can relate to being so excited while writing that you don't really pay attention to what you write. Once I was writing a third person story and in the middle of it I switched to first because of how into I got. I couldn't believe I did that when I reread it a few days later.

The Character Guide was just my own opinion and taste, it really isn't important for your story.

My comment on the chronological order was about how he packed, nothing more. If you think about it, it didn't make much sense the way it was written. Start of what? What are you talking about?

Your vocabulary will grow in time as you work to improve your skills. And no I didn't know how old you were.

I'm not a fan of the 'are you not' phrase when it's not in the 1800s or earlier. It just seems out of context to me.

What is everyone's issue with a word processor? They are, really, very handy programs.

Psypokes has its own little writing critic!
*Looks at ~Crimson~

I pretty much have all the same critique as Crimson does. Listen to her, she seems to know what she's doing.

Anyways, I like the plot so far.

Just out of curiousity, at Poke-Journey do they talk about spelling, spacing, dialogue, etc.?

It's perfectly fine....I am used to correcting people at school and my parents at home, and I try my best to explain why I am right and they are wrong, why I have the better answer, or why I said it in that certain way. When someone corrects me, it just makes me mad....It's time for me to sleep, so I am going to go now....

EDIT: To Xeeros: I hope that I spelled your name right. The only real grammar or words that they don't like is cuss words. No CUSSING! That is one of their rules...That includes $(#)%^! or anything like that. But thinks like STFU is ok. I'm not sure why.

You have no idea...



Understandable, everyone goes through that phase. Getting out of it as soon as possible is very important though.

You should check out the link to my site at the top of the first post. It leads directly to PokeJourney. Take a look around and see if you like it.

Also, I will pm you about what I was gonna ask, DP02. If anyone wants to join, just go to the link! I mean, DP02 was the on who made the game. I haven't really seen any of the moderators or admins working on Journeys because there is a Tournament starting soon. I'm not sure how soon, probably tomorrow, but it might end by the end of the weekend. To many 'ends' in that last sentence, wasn't there?

By how you judge writing and other things, you should join Crimson. I would love to fight you on there.

Thanks for the review. I know that I am also bad at titles, but in the actual PokeJourney site, there isn't titles. I just put them there for the fun of it. Later on they won't give away what the chapter means. I am right now working on another story. It is called The Sign of Hope. Please read it and tell me about what you think of it.