Hi all! I am new here so I can make mistakes so please tell me about these mistakes. My story is done so no more stories.. anyways here it is and dont mind for my triple post as the chapters are long and doesnt get intresting if all in 1 post.
Here goes!


CH.1 All washed up!
The clouds roared and cracked electricity as the young Lapras tried to find shelter from the terrible storm. She remembered when her father abandoned her, just because she was weaker than other of her siblings but that wouldn’t stop her now as it knew that its destiny lies deep in the clouds. Lapras got knocked out cold by the other thunder it got hit from the clouds and floated unconsciously on the ocean floor. “Dad! Look at that!” Young “Sal Vaster” shouted from the Motor boat, Sal Vaster and Sulfonix were on a bird watch near the coastlines of Sevii Islands “A rare Lapras! And I think its hurt.” “Relax son, don’t worry we will take it to a pokemon centre, Till then u can catch it in your pokeball to avoid attracting too much of crowd to us for a green baby Lapras”. Said Sulfonix “Go pokeball!” A huge ferocious purple horned beast comes out from a red beam. “Nidoking jump in the water and bring that Lapras here” said Sal (Nickname of Sal vaster). Sulfonix opened the sales and tried to land at shore and the boat got a hole in it but luckily they reached the shores and delivered Lapras to Nurse Joy.
After the curing, Nurse Joy came from the ward and told them a surprising theory that she thinks these Lapras live near the Atlantis. Sal then was shocked to hear that because he always wanted to go to Atlantis and this was his first chance. Sal and Sulfonix went out to Lily cove city and borrowed a yacht to go to another place in Kanto called Pallet Town.
On the way, at night, Sal saw a dream that a Lapras comes to him and says, “Who are you? And why are you helping me?” The boy said, “My name is Sal and I caught you to release you to Atlantis with your family” said Sal. “I do not want to go, as my destiny lies somewhere else and I think you are a pokemon trainer, if I am right you want to be the best, and that is the same goal I need to achieve before going back home” it was sunshine and Sal knew that this was the same Lapras he just caught and it was sending transmissions to him all the time. After his father got to know that Sal thought he would accomplish what Lapras wants to and so in that case he thought his son should complete and enter the Kanto and the Johto leagues.
In his thoughts, the yacht bumped into a large rock like submarine. Some thugs came out and said that they were team Aqua and surrender their pokemon. All of them refused and Sulfonix took out a Moth like purple pokemon and said “Venomoth use Psyblast!” which also sent some other members blasting and now it was Sal’s turn, He took out his Lapras and said to use spike cannon which blasted off a few of them.

Well, it started off well, as I could actually visualise where the little Lapras was, and how upset it felt.

But after that, it got a little jumbled, and things happened, with little relevance, or at least no explanation, to the story. I didn't really get where Sabrina came from either, but yeah...

I'll give it 2/5. It's got good potential, but you must remember not to rush it. Take time, describe, and also think to yourself, if I were the reader, would I really know what's going on in this part?

Also, try and seperate it with paragraphs. Otherwise, it becomes one big chunk of text. It's easier to read that way, don't ask me why...

Carry on, I like it, just needs refining.

Thanks for the advice of not getting on to other things with details and dont rush it ! i am editing the chapter on word and removed Sabrina...

EDIT: Obsidian or whatever, ur name is hard to spell i improved the fiction.. well how is it now?

EDIT: new chapter!

CH.2 Hi Ho Kanto!

The two landed on Kanto and started to travel different parts of the region. Sal used all what he had got to defeat any trainer in his way. Some of his pokemon were badly injured by Blaine, one of the GYM Leaders in the sea foam islands. His pokemon took a long time to regain strength and then went to the final GYM Leader, Giovanni. He could not even get close to his rock like pokemon.
He got advices which didn’t seem to work and none of his pokemon could get through his team of Ground type Pokemon. Lapras told Sal to use her but Sal refused because he thought the Lapras needs training. “Sal you know you should use me in the battle for the last badge” said the Lapras, “I am not like other pokemon which need to fight to gain experience.” “Why not?” said the boy. “It’s because I meditate to gain experience”.
That way both exchanged words then finally Lapras got Sal to use her. “Pathetic, you are back, and shall loose like all the previous times.” Said Giovanni. “Not so fast! I have a last chance and I can prove it! Go Dragonite!” said Sal. That’s right, his new pokemon, which beat all of his other pokemon except the last one. “Dragonite use Wing attack on Mewtwo!” Dragonite did as fast as it could and then Mewtwo dodged the attack, “Hurry Dragonite! Use ice beam” once again the Mewtwo dodged and got burned by the final attack ordered by Dragonite, a Flamethrower. “Still pathetic like last time, Mewtwo finish it off with a psychic” One touch and Dragonite got knocked out. And further on all his other got fainted and Lapras was left. “Go Lapry! We’ve got a last chance and I will not loose it! Use Spike cannon then Ice beam followed by water gun!” Mewtwo got all the damage but shocked to see a Lapras playing so well against it. Then Lapras sang in a beautiful voice, which surprise Giovanni himself as well as Sal. It just learned how to use Perish Song! It’s a move which gives the other pokemon as well as itself 3 chances to move and then both will faint. This knocked the both pokemon but the rules say the challenger wins. “Good job kid, I wish you good luck.” Said Giovanni “Thanks!” said Sal.