A new journey, a new group, and a few fan made Pokemon, and if you have a pokemon you made it up addit as a posted or tell me if you liked it. As Crimson says at the bottom I will just change the rating to T and it is like this because some chapters will be more violent and they will be written in Red and ones that aren's too bad (K+) Will be written in green, but as for now there is none of them.

Pokémon Jade

Chapter 1: A kid and his Pokémon

“Well, what do you know another challanger” said Fontal, a 13 year old boy who is the best trainer in is home town, with a dark blue T-shirt, blue jeans, and a red ball cap.
“Ya, I challenge your Aipom to a battle” said a green shirted kid.
“Go Aipom” said Fontal when he threw his Pokéball to reveal an Aipom.
“Go Marill” said the green shirted kid.
“You can go first” said Fontal.
“use bubble Marill” said the green shirted kid.
“dodge and use thunder punch with his tail” said Fontal.
“use iron tail Marill” said the green shirted kid.
Both attacks his each other and one had to give, so a few seconds later Aipom’s thunder punch stoped and he flew back. He got up and got ready to launch an attack.
“Aipom use thunder punch, fire punch and ice punch” said Fontal as his Aipom launched a thunder punch with his tail, an ice punch with his left hand and a fire punch with his right hand after he ran to Marill.
“No Marill” said the green shirt when Marill got hit by the three punches.
“Can your Pokemon countinue?” asked Fontal.
“Marill get up” said the green shirt kid.
“Marill” said Marill as he got up.
“Aipom use focus punch” said Fontal.
“Nows our chance, go bubble beam.” said the green shirted kid
“Marill” said Marill as a bunch of bubbles launched from his mouth hitting Aipom.
“Aipom” said Aipom when he got hit by the bubble beam.
“Ok, that was stupid of me, come on Aipom, get up.
“Aipom” said Aipom as he got up.
“Ok now Aipom use double team” said Fontal.
10 Aipoms surrounded Marill.
“use focus punch” said Fontal.
“don’t let him use that focus punch, use bubble beam” said the green shirted kid.
Marill hit 4 of the Aipoms when it was done and the real one came and hit Marill back and he landed on the ground back first.
“Marill can’t continue” said Fontal.
“Your right” said the green shirted kid, you win.

Chapter 2: A strange problem south

“Well that was a good battle” said Fontal.
“that Aipom of yours is always annoying, especially to your enemy” said Jaff.
“Aipom” said Aipom in an angry voice with an angry look on his face.
“there he goes again, showing off his Pokémon, just because he has a Pokémon.” said Aerial.
“so wha…”said Fontal when the 3 friends heard a noise up in the forest south of the city.
“What was that” said Aerial.
“I don’t know, but we should go check” said Jaff.
“I’m in” said Fontal.
The 3 friends and Aipom headed south to the forest when they seen a man in a grey cloak with a symbol of a old phschic pokémon.
“What are you kids doing here?” said the grey cloaked man.
“We heard something and we are looking for it” said Jaff.
“I’m sorry, Administrator Totanta won’t like that, go Dustox” said the cloaked man when he threw a great ball.
“Go Aipom” said Fontal when he threw his poké ball revealing his Aipom.
“so you have a pokémon too, well Dustox, use silver wind” said the cloaked man.
“Aipom dodge” said Fontal “and use fire punch”
“use psybeam” said the cloaked man.
“this is quiet a problem for Fontal, all his attacks are close range” said Jaff.
“your right” said Aerial.
“go use double team and fire punch” said Fontal then Aipom headed to Dustox and kncked him out with one hit.
“Quick guys, lets go” said Fontal and the 3 friends ran deeper into the forest

Chapter 3: The Beast of the Forest

“What is that” said Fontal
“It looks like a shrine” said Jaff
“Rise beast of the forest, Shytinosin.” said Totanta.
“What is Shytinosin” asked Jaff
“What are you kids doing here, well it is an Ancient grass Pokémon, who controlled the forests and no pokemon would try to stop him, instead of Ho-oh, Lugia, Rayquaza and his master. There was only one of them and it takes a lot of work to make him rise.” said Totanta “rise”
A large light green grass pokemon with 4 legs, with kness and semi-long legs compared to it’s body.
“Attack them” said Totanta.
“You can’t control it, can you” said Jaff.
“What” said Totanta as Shytinosin began to load a grass attack.
“Go Lucario and Fearow, stop him” said Totanta as he threw a ultra ball and a timer ball to reveal these pokémon.
The grass beast loaded up his ultimate grass attack.
“ that is grass blitz, and if it hits it will take out the town and bring him back out of existenst.” said Totanta.
“I only know one thing I can do, Aipom use protect.” said Fontal and Aipom protected by getting really close to Shytinosin and then protected the town and he fell to the ground and sinked into the ground. Aipom then started to glow and it evolved into an Ambipom.
“Well, I know how I can stop this from happening again, I’ll tell my team Ancient that he was not hear.” said Totanta “There are some Pokémon the world should never know about.
“Well now what” said Jaff as Totanta walked away.
“I’ll be heading of on a journey in a few days do 2 want to come.
“Ya sure” said Jaff
“Sure” said Aerial
“So I guess there will always be pokémon we haven’t seen and we will never seen." said Fontal as the 3 walked away

Yeah...there is very little detail present, and it is pretty much all dialogue. Plus, you posted three chapters all in one swoop. 4/10.

Hear is Chapter Four I hope it is more discriptive

Chapter 4: Off on a Journey

Fontal said “so me, Ambipom, Aerial, and Jaff are all heading off on our journey today”
“Since when did Aerial and Jaff get Pokémon?” asked Fontal’s dad.
“Just yesterday” said Fontal and he said his final good bye before heading off on his journey. As the three friends meet at the south part of town they headed through the forest, each with a new set of clothes for this, Brown haired Fontal had a Army Green T-shirt with a dark green hat and red shoes, as Aerial the only girl of the group had a light red and pink “dress” and black shoes, dark blue hair and a pink hat, and Jaff has blond hair, yellow shirt and black jeans and no hat.
The group headed through the forest they were once before. Each with 5 poke balls and a companion, so they started to walk through. Ahead in the dark forest Aerial seen a Swablu and she wanted to catch it.
“go poke ball” said Aerial as she threw a poke ball at it. The Pokemon broke out with ease.
“you have to weaken before you can catch it.” said Fontal.
“Go Mareep” said Aerial, “use Thundershock.” as Mareep body started to glow and a single beam of electricity launched out and hit Swablu head on and Swablu cried out and used peck as Mareep was just standing there.
“use growl” said Aerial and then Mareeps cry was heard and Swablu flew back and Aerial threw a poké ball at the Swablu. The Poké ball opened and Swablu turned red. Swablu went inside the poke ball and the center of the ball flashed red and the ball shuck 3 times and Swablu was caught. The Swablu were all over the forest, they are always around the forest and there is also a lot of Weedle, Caterpie, Poochyena and Zigzagoon. The three friends continued walking with there Pokémon talking about what the wanted to do with there Pokémon. Fontal wants to beat 8 gyms and beat the Dogan(which is the region they are in) pokémon league, while Aerial wants to be a cowardinator and Jaff wanted to be a pokémon competitor, which he explained as a bunch of intents games which your pokémon had to compete against Competition heads, which you need to beat 6 to go to face there last competition before you can enter specific raiser category competitions (exp. Racing, hit the targets, painting, snowboarding, gliding. The 3 friends seen the end of the forest, it was farther then they have ever gone before. What will the future hold for these 3 trainers.

Yeah...
so. You should've started a new paragraph as you said 'the Swablu' and when you said 'The three friends...'
But yet this is somewhat imaginative, and I like the names.
But, you should've added dialogue here instead of just stating it to the reader.
Yeah, I know I said less dialogue more description, but this is neither, and is taking away from the story. Try to balance it and your story will be much better! But still continue I'm wondering what they're going to do on their journey! =D.

here is chapter 5 and tell me if you think this one is better then chapter 4, and thanks for the advise popplers.

Chapter 5: a Cave Ahead

As Jaff, Aerial, and Fontal were walking through an open field when Jaff wanted to practise a racing competition because the first competition is close and is a race. Fontal wanted to see how these competitions worked so he excepted
“Go Ambipom” said Fontal.
“Go Nidoran male” said Jaff.”So this is how it works, we are going to race from here, over the rock, around the tree and right back here” as the 3 friends were in the field with no other land marks other then the rock and the elm tree and a cave to the right of them
“Aerial, tell us when to start,” said Jaff
“3,2,1 Go” said Aerial.
“Run Nidoran” said Jaff as Nioran took the lead.
“Ambipom, catch up.” said Fontal.
“Now, jump over the rock Nido..” said Jaff but by then Nidoran had all ready jumped.
“Jump” said Fontal as Ambipom jumped right after the comanned.
The 2 Pokemon were running to the tree when Ambipom’s mouth opened and a white power energy built up and white stars came out.
“What is that?” asked Fontal.
“Dodge that swift Nido” said Jaff and Nidoran tried to but couldn’t and so he was launced into the tree and by the time Nidoran got up Ambipom was already at the tree so Nido ran but Bipom grabbed on one of the trees branches and used it to push himself into the lead but Nido slowly caught up making the race at the end a tie.
“well, if we want to get to your competition we better go through the cave” said Aerial
“Well lets get going” said Jaff and the Three kids went into the cave after Jaff and Fontal recalled there Pokemon.
As the three friends went in the cave they noticed it was dark. What could they do?
“Go Mareep” said Aerial “use thundershock as a beam of electricity lighted up a little of the cave for a second.
“Good idea, wrong attack” said Fontal “Go Ambipom, use Fire punch” as Ambipom’s right tail ignited, but no punched was launched. ”This will light up the way.” said Fontal
“Well that was a good idea” said Jaff.
“Slugma” said a Pokemon from behind them.
“Ambipom, turn around” said Fontal.
“Ambipom” said Ambipom.
“A Slugma” said Fontal “Let’s catch it, use swift”
“bi” said Ambipom as it opened it’s mouth and stars flew out.
“Slug” said Slugma.
“Yes a direct hit” said Fontal.” use thunder punch”.
“pom” said Ambipom.as it‘s left tail built up electricity and then ran up and hit Slugma.
“now’s my chance, go Poke ball!” said Fontal as he threw a Poke ball that hit Slugma and the Poke ball shock 5 times before it stopped, saying that Fontal caught the Slugma.
“Go Slugma” said Fontal “Lead us out of the cave”. as the three friends followed Slugma threw the dark cave till they got to the head, but Slugma seemed forgetful as making a lot of wrong turns and as they left the cave they seen Thorn city, the first of the pokemon competition location.

This one is much better! Good job! But...
I don't really like the style of 'pulling' the reader into the story, try describing how the cave was barren, to make the reader ask the question 'what could they do?'.
Otherwise, this story is taking good form.

I think this one may be a little worse, but it is the first big event in the story, tell me how I can improve it


Chapter 6: The Race Is On

“In this town there are too many wild Pokémon around” said Aerial.
“What are you talking about, I love this town, look, a Doduo” said Jaff that is a fast Pokémon, go Nidoran male, use posion sting”
“how did you know that is a wild Doduo” said Fontal.
“Don’t know, but there is only one way to find out” said Jaff “Go pokèball” and when it hit the doduo the poke ball and the ball shock 10 times before it was caught.
The three friends went to the competition when Fontal asked Jaff “Are you going to use Nidoran in your competition?”
“ No I think I will go with Doduo, you know I checked what it knows and it knows pursuit, quick attack, peck and growl.
“So are you the competitor for today” said a man at the start point for the race.
“yes, I am my name is Jaff” said Jaff.
“Ok, my name is Kyle.” said Kyle. “Here is how it will go, you and I will each chose 1 pokémon and they will run down this path, in the door , and run to the exit on the other side of the building and through the garden, making it by following the path” said Kyle. “And we can follow them with these carts”
“Sweet” said Jaff.
“Well, I guess it is cool” said Kyle.
“So lets send out our Pokemon” said Jaff.
“Go Ponyta” said Kyle.
“Go Doduo” said Jaff.
“Kyle, are you ready?” said the judge.
“Yes” said Kyle.
“Jaff are you ready?” said the judge.
“Yes” said Jaff.
“3,2,1, Go” said the judge and the race was on.
Doduo ran as fast as he could when he was told to and so did Ponyta, and Ponyta took the lead.
“Doduo use Pursuit” said Jaff then Doduo caught up and closely followed Ponyta.
“Ponyta, use fire spin” and so a ring of fire surrounded Ponyta and then it went to Doduo and Doduo slowed down and could not continue using pursuit.
“Doduo, get up.” said Jaff.
“Ponyta, keep going” said Kyle as he and Ponyta went in the building.
“Doduo, use pursuit” said Jaff as his Doduo followed Ponyta and got close to Ponyta and then hit Ponyta.
“Ponyta use fire spin” said Kyle.
“Not going to work this time, Doduo use peck” said Jaff as his Doduo launched 2 pecks at Ponyta as in pain he slowed down and the two pokemon moved at the same speed, but Ponyta had the lead by about 1/40th of the track. As the 2 Pokemon came to the end of the building the finish line
“Ponyta, use quick attack”
“You too Doduo, quick attack” said Jaff and the 2 pokemon raced as Doduo caught up slowly and at the finish line Doduo was the winner.
“Well congrats” said Kyle.
“Thanks” said Jaff.
“As proof of your victory, here is the Topaz Symbol” said Kyle.
“Well thanks”
“You earned it” said Kyle and with that Jaff, Aerial, and Fontal left and outside they seen a black haired kid with a brown cloak and a dark green pair of pants and a brown cowboy hat, with dark red shoes.
“So, you how many symbols do you have?” said the kid.
“Only this one” said Jaff.
“Well I have 2” said the kid revealing a blue and green symbol.
“Let’s see how fast you can go” said Jaff.
“Go Arcanine” said the kid “By the Way the name is Maroon.
“Go Doduo” said Jaff “and I’m Jaff.
“Hears how it will work, first one down the street wins” said Jaff which was 500 ft in a straight line. The race was off.
“Doduo, Quick attack” said Jaff as his Doduo sped up.
“Arcanine, Extremespeed” said Maroon as his Arcanine sped up and in 12 seconds got to the end of the street.
“That was quick” said Jaff.
“Aricanine,return” said Maroon as he opened his poke ball and Arcanine went into a beam of light and went inside the poke ball.

Here is the next chapter which is not to long.

Chapter 7: Piners keepers

Maroon said “Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you, unless you quit”
“Never” said Jaff as Maroon walked inside.
“Well, I guess we should be going to Aerials contest in Vanor City” said Fontal.
“I guess s..” said Jaff until he was interrupted.
“Help, he is stealing my Pokemon” said a lady dressed in a lab coat as a man wearing a ski mask was running away with a large bag
“We got to help her” said Jaff.
“Go Ambipom” said Fontal as he threw one of his Pokeballs revealing the purple, 2 tailed monkey. “Follow that theif”
“You too Swablu” said Aerial when she threw her poke ball revealing the blue cotton winged bird pokemon.
The two pokemon caught up to the theif. Then the theif revealed a Pokemon of his own.
“Go Zubat” said the theif revealing his light blue bat pokemon.
“use peck Swablu” said Aerial and Swablu hit Zubat with it’s beck.
“Ambipom, use swift” said Fontal then his Ambipom launched white stars from his mouth.
“Stop“ said an Officer Jenny.
“Growlite” said Growlite.
“Ah” said the theif as he stopped and was arrested by Officer Jenny.
“Well thank you officer Jenny, and thank you “ said the Lady in a lab coat. “I’m Professer Pine”
“I’m Aerial” said Aerial
“I’m Jaff” said Jaff
“I’m Fontal” said Fontal.
“I don’t know how I can..” said Professor Pine “I know follow me”.
The three friends followed Professor Pine until they got into a building
“Here is my lab, I’m this towns Pokemon Professor” said Professor Pine.
“Wow” said Jaff.
“Well I will hold your extra Pokemon and I will give you this egg” said Professor Pine Handing Fontal a light green egg with a dark strip down the middle.
“Aerial, you should have the egg, you have the next big event” said Fontal.
“He has a point” said Jaff.
“Thanks Guys” said Aerial.
“Well we better go” said Fotnal
“Ya your right” said Aerial “Good bye”
“Good bye” said Jaff
“Good bye” said Fontal.
“Bye kids see you around” said Professor Pine as the three kids left her lab, and they walked into a field and there adventure continued.

Well the next two chapters will not be like most of mine tell me which one you like better.

To tell you the truth, they're boring. I read the first one and won't bother reading the others until they become lengthier, and not by just adding more to the chapters, but actually adding detail.

And I cannot stress enough the importance of proper grammar, which seem to be lacking in several places. Primarily in the dialouge. First of all, that is mainly what your entire story is. Dialogue, no descriptions, just talking. My opinion? That's boring.

The descriptions, for the most part, bite. Use a thesaurus please. In fact, I know of one that can be found at dictionary.com.

Take my advice to heart before you have to face the wrath of Crimson!

Um...what is the point of creating 2 more chapters if they are just going to be filler?
Continue writing, but still, add more (MORE!) descriptions and less 'bla bla' chapters that don't retain anything.

I see your point.

Well because of your two recommendations, this next chapter does have a small purpose and is longer then most of mine, this one was 1 and a half pages on Word Pad.

Chapter 8: Turtle vs.. Tortoise

“Well it looks like these three Pokefinder we got from Professor Pine will be helpful said Fontal as he showed his friends his red pokefinder and Aerial took out her pink pokefinder and Jaff tool out his black pokefinder
“Man, I’m thirsty” said Jaff.
“Me too” announced Aerial.
“Well,” said Fontal as he paused for a second turning his head looking for some water “look there is a big lake over there”.
“Eww” said Aerial “I’m not drinking out of a lake”
“Why don’t we just get Slugma to boil the water using ember” told Jaff to his friends
“Good idea, and while we are here we should let our Pokémon have a drink of the water too.” stated Fontal as he threw his poke balls revealing his Ambipom and his Slugma.
“Go Swablu and Mareep” announced Aerial.
“Go Doduo and Nidoran Male” cried out Jaff and as the three friends and there Pokémon got close to the lake they seen a flamethrower attack to the water and then the seen a water gun used back.
As they got closer the people seen 2 Pokemon which they used there Pokefinder to see who they were
“Wartotle, the Turtle Pokemon often hides in water to stalk unwary pray, for swimming fast it uses it’s ears to keep balance. Type: Water” stated Aerial’s pink poke finder.
“Torkoal, the coal pokemon, it burns coal inside its shell for energy. It blows out black soot if endangered. Type: Fire” announced Jaff’s Pokefinder.
There were about 20 of each pokemon lanunching it’s attacks at each other. The battle didn’t seem to stop for a while, the pokemon were fighting for the lake. The flamethrower attacks were hitting the water guns. It looked like the 2 sides would not give up till the other group left.
“How are we going to stop this?” asked Aerial
“Swablu!” said Swablu in sadness and tried to talk to the pokemon but they wouldn’t listen to her. Grimers were coming and getting ready to launch a sludge bomb each into the water supply to claim the land for there own
“Grimer, the sludge pokemon, it was born when sludge in a dirty stream was exposed to the moon’s X-rays. They love going back to there roots in water” Fontal’s Pokefider informed the group.
“Guys, you have to stop fighting each other and stop these Grimers or no one can drink from the lake” said Fontal and then it seemed that the 2 pokemon agreed built up and seem to gain size and then spit out a large purple blob. Many of the Grimer, Torkoal, and Wartotle got hit but got back up.
One of the Grimers at the front of the wave started to brighten up along with one of the Wartotles also started to and they also started to change shape . The Grimer changed into a Muk and the Wartotle evolved into a Blastoise as the main fight went to the 2 fully evolved pokemon, but the fight was one sided with one of the pokemon having an attack that would give him the upper hand.
“Muk, the sludge pokemon, a toxic fluid seeps from it’s body. The fluid instantly kills plants and trees on contact. Type poison ” stated Aerial’s Pokefinder
“Blastoise, the Shellfish pokemon, The jets of water it spouts from the rocket cannons on it’s shell can punch through steel. Type: water” announced Jaff’s Pokefinder.
Muk’s body started to buzz with a sharp noise and then small bits of static electricity was seen all over his body. Muk opened his mouth and a yellow ball with static jumping all over it and it hit Blastoise directly and Blastoise mouth opened in pain and then fell to the ground.
“We got to help them” yelled Fontal “Ambipom, use ice punch” said Fontal as his hand had a small mist around it and then Ambipom ran up to Muk and tried to punch him but Muk morphed himself out of the way. Ambipom then just launched another ice punch with his tail and Muk just stood there and then the electricity started to built up and then Muk opened his mouth and then another thunderbolt came out of his mouth launching Ambipom back.
“Mareep use thunder shock” said Aerial and then a small build up of electricity was released from Mareep’s body and went straight to Muk, but Muk just took it.
“Ambipom” cried Ambipom as he opened his mouth.
“Ambipom, use swift” screamed Fontal as he opened his mouth and he released a build up of white energy and the white energy turned into stars and they got closer to Muk.
“Slugma, use ember on the stars” said Fontal as he opened his mouth and the stars turned red and it hit Muk and it hit him and Muk was hurt and then Muk was hurt badly, and aware that Slugma and Ambipom could launch the attack combination again and he would not be able to stand after it so he and the Grimers left heading for another lake.
The 2 Pokemon stopped the fighting after that as the friends filled up there canteens they heard the fire and water type pokemon laughing.
“Torkoal”
“Wartotle” as the Pokemon agreement began, but no matter what there will always be problems we will never be able to stop .
“Wartotle, return” said a kid “Go Pokeball” said the same kid and he threw one at a Torkoal and one at a Grimer and he caught them both.
“Why did you catch those 2 Pokemon, you didn’t battle them?” asked Jaff.
They are just 2 more Pokemon to add to my collection” stated the kid “and I’m Typon.
“You shouldn’t treat Pokemon like trophies” demanded Fontal.
“Well, we will see who’s Pokemon is better and why don’t we make it a blind battle?”
“What is a blind battle” questioned Aerial.
“It is a battle were neither trainer can give a comand and the pokemon has to think for itself” said Typon.
“That sounds fun” announced Fontal and the battle was on, it was Ambipom vs. Wartotle.
Wartotle begain with an ice punch but Ambipom dodged the punch and then contured it with a thunder punch. Wartotle stood his ground and used water gun so he opened his mouth and a stream of water came out and hit Ambipom right on. Ambipom then open his right tail fist and it shock it’s finger, and then a white energy build up and the blasted right to Wartotle and Wartotle could not countinue, so Ambipom was declared the winner.
“How did your Pokemon did that?” questioned Typon.
“Let’s find out,” said Jaff taking out his Pokefinder. “Pokefinder, attack mode”
“Ambipom’s attacks are thunder punch, ice punch, fire punch, swift, protect, and metronome” said Jaff’s Pokefinder.
“That was a Hyper beam” said Typon “Well I guess me and Wartotle have some more training to do” and he called back his Wartotle and walked away.
“I guess we will be seeing more of him” said Fontal.
With that the 3 friends were off as they headed for the next town of Senitar city, the location of Aerial’s Pokemon contest.

Since the next chapter will be more violent it will be under the title a new group and a new journey

I'm not sure how you're going to write your 'violent' chapter...but I'm sure it's fine for PsyPoke. So, just change the rating of this story, and that will be that. No need to make a new thread, in fact, don't do that. You'll get the mods, and some other people, ticked.

Edit: This is probably going to end up rather lengthy. So, sorry ahead of time.

Fontal, the poor kid, I hated him after the first line of the story and he didn't even have a chance to do anything. He's a prime example of a Gary-Stu, or in Obsidian language-he's an Ash Ketchum. This means, he's the perfect character.

Double space your paragraphs. I don't understand why this is such a difficult concept. It's the only sure way for a reader to know when a paragraph ends and begins. on the forums It breaks things up and makes it easier to read, and it makes finding your spot [if you had to leave in the middle of reading] easier to find.

It's obvious you're fairly new to writing by your lack of detail and the way you word things. For example...the beginning of your story is horrendously dull. And the rest of it is basically the same way. I feel like I can predict everything, and it's boring.

Your story is mainly dialogue which gets extremely old. I was very curious about the second chapter. His friends magically appear in it. I reread the first two chapters about three times trying to see if I missed something.

I only read the first two chapters and I scanned the rest. Let's see...I suggest you type your story in a word processor and proofread it. I see some grammar errors throughout the story that can be easily fixed.

As for the way you're describing things...it's rather frank and it leaves the reader distanced from it. You're telling us everything and there's no fun in that. I know, the whole telling versus alluding concept is hard to understand unless you see examples.

I'll just throw in my version of your beginning, should you edit your story please do not use it.

I' will take your advise and sorry about the description so I hope this one is better oh ya and a pokefinder tells you what attacks a pokemon knows, a brief description of it, its species, name and type.

Chapter 9: Red

A 15 year old kid stands out in the middle of a field with a bleeding right arm as the blood hit the ground staining the grass. The boy, named Radion was staring at a Charmeleon and then out of no where the Charmeleon turned away from Radion and ran away.

“Charmeleon, come back!” said Radion as he chased after his Pokemon trying to understand why his Pokemon was acting so odd.

“Charmeleon!!” screamed Radion.

“What was that?” asked Aerial as she Jaff and Fontal turned to the screaming.

“It sounds like he needs help” said Jaff.

“Let’s go” replied Fontal as followed he and Fontal and Jaff started to run to the noise thinking that the man needed help and by the time they got to the area were the noise was they could barely see a figure and they figured it must have been what made the noise.

“What are we going to do?” questioned Jaff.

“Swablu go, and follow them” requested Aerial as Swablu quickly followed and the 3 friends ran after Aerial’s Pokemon and then they got closer to the figure and they seen it was a boy.

The boy stopped and looked at his Charmeleon and said “Charmeleon, what is wrong, when you were a Charmander you never did anything like this” revealing his arm that was bleeding badly as 2 drops of blood dropped from his arm.

“Charmeleon” criesd Charmeleon as he ran up to Radion, took his claw and slashed Radion in the left arm causing 3 bleeding scars all the way across his arm and then 3 drops of blood fell
“Need help?” asked Aerial.

“I could use some” smirked Radion.
“Go Ambipom” said Fontal throwing his poke ball revealing his pokemon.
“Go Mareep” “Go Nidoran Male”

The three Pokemon where all ready to fight, but the Charmeleon seemed strong.
“Charmeleon, the Flame Pokemon, In the rocky mountains where Charmeleon live, their fiery tail shine at night like stars Type: Fire” stated Fontal’s Pokefiner.

“Watch out, Charmeleon is really strong” bragged and at the same time warned the group Radion as he said this Charmeleon jumped toward Ambipom.

“Ambipom, use Protect” requested Fontal then a greenish ball surrounded Ambipom. Charmeleon jumped over Ambipom and opened his mouth and then a red and orange flame used flamethrower on Nidoran male and then turned around and a build up of energy in his right hand and sparks were flying everywhere and hit Ambipom with a back hand thunder punch, then ran up to Mareep and used flamethrower.
“Mareep, thundershock” said Aerial, but it was too late so Mareep got hit and none of the 3 Pokemon were all not able to continue.

“Charmeleonm, why are you doing this, you were a great and a kind Pokemon when you were a Charmander” questioned Raidon and with that Charmeleon turned away from Radion getting ready to leave again then another 5 drops of blood hit the ground.

“We can’t do anything, our strongest Pokemon couldn’t do a thing” asked Jaff and with that Fontal had a look on his face that made it looked loke he had a plan.

“Well, if Fire types are better at talking to fire, come on out Slugma, see if he can help you talk to your Charmeleon” wondered Fontal and he threw a pokeball revealing his forgetful red slug pokemon. “Slugma, help him talk to his pokemon”.

“Charmeleon, come on, you are still the same little guy I knew” reminded Radion while gaspong for air and staring at Slugma for help.

“Slugma, Slug Slug ma” cried Slugma as another drop of blood fell from Radion’s arm and hit the field with a small puddle of it.

“Let’s try this again, Charmeleon return” said Radion but Charmeleon fought the red beam and managed to stay out of his poke ball. “Well I guess I should find out what you, do you want to meet more Pokemon?” asked Radion and Charmeleon shock his head with a no and then Radion questioned “Do you want to travel” and then another drop of blood fell on the ground and Charmeleon shock his head in agreement. “so if I promise we will go on a journey starting in a few weeks, will you stop this?” asked Radion and he got another yes. “Let’s try this once more time, Charmeleon return” stated Radion opening his Pokeball and calling back his flaming lizard.

“How can I repay you 3 for helping me, (pause) oh, I know, here are three special Poke balls, a Net ball, which is great for catching water and bug pokemon, a Premier ball, which helps a little in the appeal stage of contests and an Oran ball which is great for catching fire and electric pokemon” wondered and stated Radion handing Aerial a white poke ball with a red line across the seal, and a dark green and blue with a net design was given to Fontal and then a red poke ball with a yellow flame design was given to Jaff “Oh ya, by the way, my name is Radion.

“The name is Jaff kinda odd hun?” asked Jaff.
“The name is Aerial”.

“Fotnal”.

“Well I guess I better get back totake care of my arm, see you around” said Radion

The three friends continued there walk and they seen the first town Aerial would compete in a pokemon contest. When they got to the town they had to go to the pokemon center.

“Hi kids” said Aerial’s Mom. “Ya Aerial, here you could use this for your contest and have you practised with your pokemon and a package was sent by a teleported.

“A little with my Swablu.”

“You better go sign up” stated Aerial’s Mom.

“Ya your right” adminded Aerial and with that the kids ran the the registration desk.

so I guess you know what the next chapter is going to be

Here is the 10th Chapter and untill next time

Chapter 10: Contest Beauty

“Well, welcome all to the 2nd annual Senitar city Pokemon contest” announced the Pokemon contest announcer and you see Jaff and Fontal in the stands along with about 40 other people, with the announcer in her green hat, pants and shirt. “Please welcome our 30 competitors” requested the announcer and you could see a few competitors, but Jaff and Fontal could not see Aerial’s red and pink “dress” then the contestants went back into the back room “Let’s meet our judges, we have our nurse Joy, Aniego Montya” who was wearing a red suit “and Dominque Dance (girl)” with a purple pair of glasses and Orange shirt.

“Everybody, please welcome our first competitor, Mermand” said the announcer as a black haired girl with a purple shirt and a blue skirt.

“Go Tailow” said Mermand and then the orange and green shiny pokemon came out, and those were the last words see spoke. The Tailow’s wings became a blinding whit and he flew up and then hit the ground and bits of rocks flew up and Tailow flapped his and a mini tornado occurred, keeping the rocks in the air and then Tailow flew up and hit the rocks and they broke up and hit the ground, and with that the performance was over and the judges gave Mermand got 27.5 out of 30.

Many permorances came one after another, after another, then there was the 35th competitor.

“Wo, who is that, she is beautiful” said Fontal from the stands as he looked at a girl with dark blue hair, a light blue dress and her hair all “prettied” up.

“How do expect me to know?” asked Jaff.

“Now, introducing competitor 35, Aerial” stated the competition announcer as the announcer pointed to the girl in the light blue dress”

“Jaff” said Fontal.

“Never speak of this again,” nervously said Jaff trying to change the topic and get it of his mind.

“Go, Swablu” announced Aerial, unaware of what Fontal talked to Jaff about. “use peck” and she threw up a couple of balloons and Swablu popped each of the 5 ballons. “Use gust,” requested Aerial and a small tornado appeared and then Swablu went in the middle of the storm. “Swablu, sing” and while spinging around, Swablu sung, but it was not strong enough to put the judges asleep and the judges gave Aerial a 26 out of 30.

“Now we have our final four competitors” the announcer told the crowd “Here are the final 4 competitors” and it revealed a yellow shirted kid with a Spinark, orange shirted girl, with a Nincada and Mermand and Aerial” now here are the battle match ups” and she showed a board saying Aerial would face the yellow shirted kid and Mermand was facing the orange shirted kid and the first two battles flew by quickly and both Mermand and Aerial made it to the final round.

The battle started quickly with each trainer being given 100 points and the fight started and five minutes were put on the clock.

“Go, Swablu peck” recommended Aerial.

“Tailow, Aerial Ace, now” demanded and the two pokemon hit in mid air and neither pokemon gave up and both pokemon lost 25 points before they managed to get away from one another and the time on the clock was 4:15s.

“ Use gust” Aerial told her pokemon to do and so did Mermand told her Tailow to do and both pokemon were hit and lost 30 points and were both badly damaged.

“Let’s finish this off with steel wing“ commanded Mermand

“Come on, Swablu wing attack” requested Aerial and both attacks hit each other and Swablu lost 20 points and Tailow only lost 10, but it didn’t matter because Swablu was on the ground and the judges told Aerial that her Swablu was unable to battle so the pokemon contest had a winner, and, unfortunately, it was not Aerial.

“Congratulation, Mermand and Tailow on a great victory today, and hopefully, we will get to see more of both Aerial and Mermand” in a voice that sounded like a kind request and Mermand was given a blue and teal contest ribbon.

“So Aerial, I hope I see you at the grand festival, and in many more contest” smirked Mermand, but still trying to seem both outraged that an amateur like Aerial should not be aloud in these contest to Aerial, but also seem kind.

The three friends got ready to leave, but Aerial first changed back into her old clothes.

“Why did you wear different clothes in a contest” questioned Fontal.

“Well I was told to in the letter I got in the package” Aerial told Fontal.

“So that was what was in the package” said Fontal trying to hide the fact that he was blushing, but Jaff seen and knew what it was about.

“Now, were?” asked Jaff.

“Now we are of to Potion city” requested Fontal.

The trio then were off to Potion city, the first location for a Pokemon Gym.

I need your guys help with one thing in this story, I need a fan-made water and grass pokemon, so if you have an idea post it, and even if you have an awsome fire pokemon I could use.

Sorry for it being short, but Chapter 10: A Flareon and A Dot

“Let’s rap this up,” said a trainer Fontal was battling called Elliot.

“Your Flareon stands no chance” said Fontal as his Ambipom was fighting a Fiery red Pokemon with a fluffy main and tail.

“Flareon, use flamethrower” said Elliot and a red, orange and yellow ball formed and it started to expand and then the ball was released and a stream of fire went and hit Ambipom straight on and Ambipom flew back and hit a tree.

“Ambipom” sadly stated Fontal knowing that his strongest Pokemon was not able to take down one of Elliot’s Pokemon.

“Go, Slugma” called out Fontal , knowing that his Pokemon stud no chance against this Powerful fire pokemon.

“Slugma, use flamethrower” commanded Fontal and the build up of red, yellow and orange and a stream of fire hit Flareon, but Flareon didn’t even seem to feel the pain, but it seemed to have gotten stronger and ready to battle and Flareon’s tail started to glow.

“Let’s end this, use Iron Tail” said Elliot and Flareon’s fiery tail and hit Slugma back, and Slugma tried to get up.

“Slugma, you can get up” said Fontal and Slugma got up slowly and was ready to launch another flamethrower when Slugma fell down and hit the ground.

“Not bad, you have potential” exclaimed Elliot “That was one of the best battles I have had in a while” even though Fontal did not believe that was a good battle with him losing 2 Pokemon without Elliot losing a single Pokemon.

“I don’t need pity” angrily told off Fontal.

“ I don’t give pity” stated Elliot.

“But, I could not even beat one of your pokemon” questioned Fontal with a fact.

“Well, I have been a pokemon trainer for about 7 years, and…” announced Elliot “I already have 6 pokemon badges and I plan on getting my last two badges hear” revealing a badge depicting a snowflake, one depicting a left-ward facing fist, one that was in the shape of a heart with a pink colour, another heart with a loop missing, another shaped like a diamond with a white outside and yellow middle, and one depicting a light blue wing. “so Potion city is that way? Well I guess I will be on my way” said Elliot.

“Hope to see you soon” wished Aerial and Jaff noticed that Aerial blushed when she said this and Elliot went off without noticing.

“Why, why did I lose?” Fontal demanded the world for an answer.

“Look, we need to find a way to make Fontal feel better.” told Jaff to Aerial.

“Ya” stated Aerial, but she was just day dreaming.

“Look, there’s a Seedot” announced Jaff as he pointed to an acorn with a face.

“Seedot, the Acorn Pokemon, when it dangles from a tree branch it looks just like an acorn, it enjoys scaring other pokeomn. Type: Grass” said Jaff’s poke finder.

“well, I guess I could use a pokemon like that” Fontal told himself. “Go Slugma,” Fontal threw his red and white ball then it opened and a white energy mass came out, hit the ground and took the form of the fiery slug.

“use flamethrower” demanded Fontal aware that fire types are supper effective against Seedot and Seedot countered it with a bide, but could not hold up to the powerful fire attack and fell in one hit, but he got up and charged into hit Slugma, but Slugma counteracted with another flamethrower and got up with it’s strength but why was Seedot so easy to beat because Seedot was weak, or Slugma is strong “Go poke ball” and the Seedot went inside the poke ball was not able to continue fighting and the ball shook 3 times before the pokemon stop fight his fate and was caught.

“Well, I bet we can beat Elliot” ensured Jaff.

“Ya” Aerial told Fontal still daydreaming.

“Let’s go” said Fontal as he ran off, and his friends chased after him but thee three friends seen the town and got ready for a great battle.

next is the gym battle

come on that last chapter sucked 4/10 don't add too many twists

Nothing much to say on the chapter itself, the grammar and spelling looked fine when I skimmed it.

As for you Blue boy...that comment was unacceptable. Unless you have something worth saying don't press the reply button. And no, saying something 'sucked' and then not giving ways to improve is not worth saying at all. Considering I've never seen your name in the FanFic forum before, I'm going to have to assume that you do not write and that even if you did, the quality definitly would not be up to par.

Those kind of comments are just as useless as the ones that go "OMG 11/1" [yes I know that it says 11/1, there was no typo]. No one should listen to either of those because they don't help at all and they're a waste of time reading.

ya this next is only half of the next chapter, but i have to study for my English final for a few hours or else I will get in trobule, sorry though, but it will be up tommorow or Tuesday

Chapter 11 Part 1: Depressed or the Best

As the three friends reached the gym Fontal heard a familiar voice.

“Espeon, use Psychic” said the familiar voice.

“stay.. U…” announced a new voice.

“Come on you are the Potion city gym leader, I have fought against a 4 year old kid that was tougher then you” insulted the familiar voice and when Fontal, Jaff, and Aerial got into the building, they seen that the familiar voice was Elliot in his blond hair, red shirt, black pants, and green shoes.

The 3 friends watched as the destroyed trainer’s Seviper fell to the ground and the old judge in a light purple shirt and dark purple pants declared “Seviper is unable to continue, Elliot and Espeon are the winners” and Fontal looked at the pokemon that were used in this dark grass field, and he seen that Elliot only used his Espeon.

The depressed gym leader in her purple hair pin, long black hair down that turned to a point, and her dark purple dress down to her knees, gave Elliot something, and Fontal thought that it had to be the gym badge and she demanded “get out of my gym” and so Elliot turned around and walked away.

“hi Elliot” said Aerial, but her mind was in another world.

“Hi Aerial, and you aswell Fontal and Jeff.” replied Elliot

“It is Jaff” Jaff told off Elliot and he opened his poke ball and his Espeon turned white and went inside of the poke ball and with that Elliot was off, going after his last pokemon badge, but could Fontal get all 8 of his badges.

The gym leader went up to Fontal and asked him “is it ok if we have our match tomorrow?,… I know how I can make it up to you, Iwill take you and your friends out to dinner”.

“You know, we haven’t had a good meal in a while” Jaff stated.

“He is right” backed up Aerial.

“You got a deal” Fontal responded.

“Would you mind if my dad takes along” questioned the Gym leader “By the way, my name is Poiten, and my dad is named Gonful, and here he is” and she pointed to the judge.

“That’s fine” Fontal stated and the five people went to the pokemon center and dropped off there pokemon and went to one down town, but at the table, Poiten was sad and depressed, and Fontal was thinking “What a drama queen.

“Poiten, what is wrong with you?” asked her father.

“That trainer, he just proved to me that I am not cut out to be a gym leader” announced Poiten.

“You didn’t fell that way till that kid battled you” replied her father.

“Don’t worry, I lost to him too” comforted Fontal.

“But I’m a gym leader, I am not expected to lose that battle so easily” said depressed Poiten.

“Don’t worry, you can beat him, and he is also lucky, you were his 7th badge” comforted Fontal.

“He told me that was his first, well I guess then I didn’t lose to him as much as I thought I did.

The five just talked and became pretty good pals, getting ready for the next days battle.

Next is the battle of the first gym

If this is only half of the chapter, it was good, but who is this Elliot, is he important or not?