First off, I would like to say that as of right now the story is not actually T/PG-13, but as the character grows up he will likely be in more and more situations that will constitute that sort of rating. So the only real reason as of yet that I have this is to keep options open in the future.


Chapter 1
The egg

Tom leapt from his cot. His eyes were focused and yet filled with frenzy. He moved swiftly across the floor. The room was dark, and only rain pattering on the window could be heard. After stubbing his big toe on both feet he made a sharp turn in the hallway and went into the room on his right. His exit from that room only a few moments later was advertised by the sound of flushing.

Tom was a tall kid for only being ten years of age. His hair lay upon the top of his head like bright red leaves, sticking out of his scalp just to lean over lazily. His eyes were a compassionate tone of blue, they were his mothers eyes.

There was a room across from the lavatory, he looked at the door for a second, then stepped up and turned the knob. Inside the room were a dozen well lit warmers. He didn’t know the technical term for them, but they looked much like the cribs for underweight babies. He slowly walked the length of the room to the last warmer on the left, the only one that wasn’t empty. In it was a big egg. Tom reached into the warmer and caressed his egg, but then scowled and turned his head away.

“Why hasn’t it hatched yet?” He asked himself. “Am I not caring for it well enough?”

He walked the path that began with the egg and ended with his cot in the other room. He turned on the light and looked at the clock on the wall just as it struck one. It released a solid, humming gong noise.

“Who in their right mind would make a clock that gonged every hour? And why did my parents decide, of all the clocks in the world, to put that one up? Well, at least it only struck once.” Tom thought to himself in the big, lonely dormitory of the pokemon center. There had to have been thirty cots, but his was the only one with a warm body to it. Tom layed back and tried to get comfortable, but couldn’t. Every night for the past month he would lay down and try to get comfortable, and every night he never could.

“I miss my bed, I wish I could go back to it.” The ten-year-old said as he turned, looked out the window, and saw his house no more then a few yards away. While he watched the building he called home be pelted upon all sides by the rainwater his eyes began to get heavy and he remembered it all.

It was the morning of his tenth birthday, it was only a month ago, but to him it felt like a lifetime. It was mid-March and the weather was just starting to get warm. He woke up especially early and, as a result, so did his parents. They told him to relax, they told him to take deep breaths, they told him to be patient, but on this day Tom was none of these things. Unfortunately his parents were, in fact, all of these things. After waiting for what seemed like forever they were ready and together they met with Professor Sasparela at the pokemon center doors. In his hand was all of Toms dreams, hopes, and ambitions. Others would just call it a pokeball.

Professor Sasparela was not nearly as old as many of the other professors, in fact, he had only received his degree in pokemon psychology less then a year prior. He wore his lab-coat with pride, it was easy to see by the way he carried himself. Tom’s father opened the front door to the center and relieved the night crew of their duty. There were many volunteers who offered to help out at night, Tom had done it a few times himself, but during the day it was all his parents, and everything ran smoothly. His mother, like all of her cousins, was the primary care provider at the center, while his father took care of the eggs.

Those eggs are of particular importance in this town, because unlike most other towns where trainers are just given a pokemon, here in New Sprout village the young trainers receive a random egg donated from one of various pokemon adoption agencies in the tri-county area. As a result, no trainer ever knew what pokemon they would receive, it was all the luck of the draw, with a little bit of fate thrown in for good measure.

Luckily this particular morning didn’t look like it would be a busy one for the center, and so they all made their way to the egg room. Past all the warmers, with all their eggs, to the last one on the left. Tom’s father made all the necessary preparations as Professor Sasparela released the egg from it’s pokeball. It was much larger then any egg Tom had seen before. Then the professor gave the new trainer a pack, inside were all the usual tools of a trainer, pokedex, pokegear, a little bit of pokefood, and even a few pokeballs. This didn’t seem to matter at all to Tom as he placed his hand on the egg and looked, not at the egg, but deeper. He looked at the pokemon inside the egg and vowed “I will not leave this building until you have hatched.”

Over the PA system in the pokemon center he could hear “CODE BLUE!” in a robotic voice and he snapped out of his daydream. A code blue was an egg hatching. He sprinted from the window and met with the night crew at the door down the hall. Tom then stepped up and turned the knob. They all rushed past the empty warmers to the one on the far left.

The egg tossed and turned from side to side until a big beetle-horn burst through the top of it. Clawed fingers grabbed at the edge of the new hole and tore away chunks of egg shell. Once enough of the front had been ripped away the back fell over onto the pokemon before it could emerge. The newborn broke through with the horn again, but this time it went all the way through and somersaulted out of the remainder of the egg. It looked up, directly at Tom as though there was nobody else in the room and said “Hera.”

Tom pulled out his pokedex and used it for the very first time on the pokemon sitting before him: “Heracross, the single-horn pokemon, usually docile, but if disturbed while sipping honey, it chases of the intruder with its horn.”

“Heracross..” the boy said with contained joy, until the pokemon leapt from the floor and hugged his new trainer in full embrace.

I like your writing style, adds pressure at some points. I like that.
This is a good one, nice plot, good character depth, and I love ! Nice choice.
8/10.

I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. It's a nice change from a lot of the stories on here so thank you. I'm very serious about that, the normal issues of this forum are no where to be seen here.

Anyway, you have nice flow and organization to your story, I love the way you described his hair. It was unique, I never would have thought of that analogy. You have a nice amount of detail, but I was wondering how large is Heracross? If I remember correctly as an 'adult' it's rather large, so how large is it as a hatchling?

The only advice I can really give is a simple word choice. Instead of 'warmer' you could use 'incubator' since that's what's used for real eggs, or a 'heat lamp' since those are used for baby birds like chicks to make sure they don't get cold.

Thank you, man, those are the words that I was just blanking on as I was writing. They were on the tip of my tounge, but I couldn't type them out, bah.

But thank you both, I appreciate positive feedback. As for Heracross' height, I was already planning on refering to that in the next chapter, lol.

great!! it would be cool if he had gotten a rarer pokemon though, but heracross is not bad. 8/10

That's actually called 'Tip-of-the-Tongue Syndrome.' Random fact I'm sure you loved to know, lol.

Anyway, the Heracross thing wasn't a suggestion, I realized it probably sounded like that, it was just curiosity on my part. XD

I agree with Mew, but it is not every day in the pokemon world that you would find a Heracross egg in my opinion.



I believe it is half the size of an adult one, so it would still be quite large or big...Whichever word to use...Aren't most pokemon hatchlings at least half the size of the normal size of their...how can I put it...relatives? (Example: A Rattata hatchling is twice as small as a normal rattata.)

I really like the story and all of it's detail. I may not be old enough to criticize correctly, but I don't care very much for grammar or anything as long as I understand what it is supposed to mean. 9/10

Yeah, but I wanted this to be a "everyday trainer." That is why rare pokemon will be rare in my story and you will not see legendaries. That is my only big beef with fan fics, is when they have legendaries. There is one Mewtwo in the world, and yet every trainer has seen him? In the real world, if there were a single purple kangaroo in the world, how many human beings would ever see it? if any in the likelihood that it would live out in the wilderness. So I was specifically going away from that. Plus, I did the starter randomly, first random I selected happened to be a legendary, so I tried again and got heracross.

Anyway, thank you for the reviews, when I get a chance I will get more chapters up.