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Wobbofet's Rescue Team
http://forums.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=16433		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  DeathChef [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 10:46 am ]
Post subject:  Wobbofet's Rescue Team
Prolouge

There was once a Rescue Team,called Team Chaos.The Team Members included their Leader,Wobbofett,who was as dumb as a doorknob.A Meowth,who hopes to get rich,and a Metang,who was the brains.This is there story,of how they began rescues.
Author:  poplers [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 10:51 am ]
Post subject: 
Ok, that was way too short. Lengthen it up, give it much more detail, describe what they each looked like, their distinctive qualities just elaborate much more. And please don't consider this being mean.
Author:  DeathChef [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 11:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Pelliper: MAIL CALL!
Meowth: You get it Wobbofett.
Wobbofett: WOBBOFETT!*Gets Mail*
Metang: Well,what does it say?
Wobbofett: WOBBOFETT!
Meowth: GIVE ME THAT!*Takes mail*Eletric bill,water bill,phone bill...WOAH,WHO'S BEEN TALKING THAT LONG!!!
Wobbofett: Wobbofett!
Meowth: O.O....LOOK OUR FIRST RESCUE!
Metang: Who's it from?
Meowth: A Hitmontop.We need to go to....HERE!TINY WOODS!LET'S GO!
Metang: Right behind ya!
Wobbofett: WOBBOFETT!
Author:  poplers [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 11:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Did you even care to read my critique, lengtheb the chapters, don't just write whatever you feel like at the time, write, leave, come back, write some more. Then post it here. You didn't add quotes or anything. Please look at my critiques. 2/10
Author:  DeathChef [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 11:07 am ]
Post subject: 
Woops,I started immediatly after my first post.I'll try to lengthan my chapters.Thanks for friendly critisism. {gengar}
Author:  DeathChef [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 11:34 am ]
Post subject: 
I'll make this part bigger.

Metang: Before we go,I need to get something at Pokemon square.
Meowth: I'll come to.
Wobbofett: I will to!ERGH,I mean.....WOBBOFETT!
Meowth: :shock:
Metang: Hey,Keclecon,you done with that shop yet?
Keclecon: Not yet!
Meowth: What's going on at the square?
Lotad: Well,what's it look like?IT'S LUCARIO'S TEAM!
*Meanwhile*
Metang: Miss Kangaskahn,I need the "secret pakage"
Kangaskahn: Here you go!
Metang: Now to put this secret weapon in the base.
*Meanwhile*
Meowth: That's really Lucario's Team?
Lotad: I belive so.
Wobbofett: WOBBOFETT! {wobbuffet}
*Just then,a Plusle and a Pikachu walk up*
Pikachu: Okay,we're on in 5...4...3...2...1.
Plusle: Hi,I'm Plusle from Pokemon News.I'm here in the square with Lucario's Team.Lucario,obviously the leader,has led his team,Manaphy,and Jirachi through many rescues.How do you feel Lucario?
Lucario: At the top of my game!
Lotad: Hey,aren't you guys a rescue team?
Meowth: Yeah,we're normal rank.
Metang: Are you guys ready,or not?
Meowth: C'mon Wobbofett!
Wobbofett: {wobbuffet}
Author:  poplers [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 1:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tip # 1. NEVER use emoticons.
2. Please refrain from using the pokemon's sprites.
Have a decent balance between dialogue and description, in this case, you have all dialogue and no description.
Better on the length, I'll give you that, otherwise describe more things, like how the set looked, what plusle looked like, etc.
Author:  DeathChef [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 1:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is meant to take place before Pokemon Mystery Dungeon happened.
Maybe 10 years or so.

P.S.Thanks for giving me more tips.I just joined,so I'm still getting the hang of things.
Author:  DeathChef [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 1:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
By the way,can I make areas up myself?
Author:  Crimson [ Wed Jun 13, 2007 3:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm betting you haven't spent much time in the FanFic forum yet. Here are some universal tips...
    1] There should not be any emoticons or sprites.
    2] Don't use scripting style unless you're trying to write a play, movie, etc.
    3] There shall not be chatspeak in any story unless it is a scene on the computer or texting on a cell phone.
    4] Please double space your paragraphs.
Yes you can make up your own areas, I don't suggest including made-up Pokemon though. I suggest you browse the stories in the forum until you get a better understanding of some of the things we're talking about. I also suggest looking at other sites that are focused on writing, FanFic.net and FictionPress. Obviously FanFic.net deals with fan-fictions of all sorts, and FictionPress deals with original pieces of writing. Of course there can be poorly written pieces on either site, but I'm sure you'll be able to sort those out from the rest.

Find the balance between dialogue and description in your story. Sometimes, one is more prevelant than the other in a story. Like anything else, it can be successful or it can look like it was forced. There are times when it's best to just let the piece write itself, this is not true for someone as new to writing as you are. You'll need to work on forcing yourself to write so much detail that you feel like ripping your hair out or seriously harming yourself. Please don't really hurt yourself, that's just the way writing description is at the beginning. There are still times when I get bored and frustrated while adding detail. Trust me it will be worth it in the end.
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