....in the beggining, after the chapter name, a name will be shown, that is who narrates the chapter

each color presented at the beggining is the character's dialogue.....

CHAPTER 1 - Poke choose Game! - Max

MAX
NORMAN (DAD)
MAY
DREW
MR. BRINEY

Norman: Max. Max. Wake Up!!.
May: Hurry or else you'll miss the great Masquerain over there.
I took off my covers.
Max: What? Who? Where?
Absolutely, Masquerain was my fave pokemon. It's glimmering wings. They are just awesome.
May: See dad! I told you i would've worked. And guess what? It did.
Norman: Not the way i woul've used, but it works thought.
I had this evilish glaring at my sister.

This day, I could go find my very own pokemon at Prof. Birch's lab.
Norman: Thi is the day son. so have you made your mind up? Do you know what pokemon to choose?
Max: Maybe, but maybe, I'd choose Mudkip just to beat my sister's Blaziken .
Norman: (sarcastically) Great reasons Max!
May: Before you go to Little Root Town, you shouldn't forget to go to Mr. Briney's Cottage, I have a special delivery for Peeko.
As I was hearing my sis' petition I heard my mom open the door to our house. Certainly it had to be Drew, May's boyfriend. Dad ran off to the door, to meet Drew. My dad had never had a chance to meet him before. Usually, dad would be in the Petalburg Gym, facing trainer challanges. Being across town and recently we just have moved to Petalburg, this was Dad's first chance. May too, ran off to the door.

I didn't want to see dad get all excited about May's boyfriend at dinner, so I asked mom to make dinner to go. Certainly, dad would totally embarass May with her childlife accidents, especially if he mentioned the Roselia one, as for Drew, who's best pokemon is a Roselia .

Drew: So Max, you're setting of in an adventure, you should probably not go alone by yourself, it's more fun, and as they say, safety in numbers.I hated that guy, he always bragging.
Max: Sure!
May: Oh. Max. Here's some special food for Peeko, I made it myself. Brock gave me some classes via chat.
Norman: Here Max, take this with you, it's the PokeNav 3.7.I hadn't use a new PokeNav since I traveled with my sis. I was so excited.

Mom had given me my bag by now. It had a big supply of food, clothes, and PokeBlock. As I left, I looked back and saw everyone waving good bye. My bike was really simple, but fast.

As I was approaching shore, the smell of sea could be recognized. I stopped at a nearby pond. The water was so clear I could see through it. I just saw a small school of Remoraid . A couple of Corphish jumped out of the water. Suddenly, a really small Surskit appeared. I imagined it being a Masquerain. Just too see it made me daydream. It's inky pads making it skate across the water like that. So beatiful. I jumped on my bike again.

By the time I had gotten to the cottage, Mr Briney was about to leave to Dewford, to train Peeko.
Mr. Briney: Ahoy! Max, so, what brings you to this sea explorer's home?
Max: My sister asked to deliver this to you, she made it herself, it's special pokemon food for Peeko.I saw a big group of Wingull flying low near shore. I recognized Peeko instantly, as she being the smallest of the group.
Max: Here, put some pokemon food on my hand.
Mr. Briney opened the can and served some squishy yellow blob on my hand.
Max: May says it is made of Grepa and Pinap Berries. Here Peeko, have some.

The tiny bird stood on the top of my shoulder, placing it's head down just to munch the food. With a high shriek it munched the blobby food. I had to leave soon if I wanted to arrive in Little Root Town before sunset. I passed little Peeko on Mr. Briney's arm, climbed on my bike, and waved him good-bye.
Mr. Briney: Farewell!
Max: Bye!

I like it , but there is one noticable mistake. Since you are familar with Spanish, you put "He already has 12" which translated means "He is 12 years old." but it makes it look like it means that he already has 12 Pokemon. Other than that, good job.

fixing it right now...thanx...please correct me if im wrong with grammar or stuff

It says at the nd and torchic jumped in his shoulder, maybe 'jumped on his shoulder' will work better lol

Good job 6/10 keep it up

YAY im called Max!!! But im not 12 lol

Nice work, but format like this:

Max: Blah blah blah
Porf. Birch: blah blah blah

This makes is easier to read. I don't know why, it just does.

But I'd say this is going to turn out good.

ok made mayor changes. all. see for yourself

this may make me sound snotty or like a jerk, but... could i ask you to just change the name of max's sister? cuz i already have my own story, Pokemon Chronicles, and it has May as a character. just wonderin' if this tiny change could be made. in other terms, pretty neat story. i like how you show what max is thinking. 9/10.

You know what alot of stories have May in them for some reason... But I still like your story, I'd add some more to it.

YES MAY IS INVOLVED....but wont have such a big character...maybe even drew will have a better character.....tomorrow ill post next chapter......and brendan WILL appear too