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| the return of master Nascour and unlocking the new world http://forums.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=9237 |
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| Author: | mudkipman [ Thu Jul 13, 2006 11:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | the return of master Nascour and unlocking the new world |
It was quiet, the kind of quiet that you can hear a pin drop in. Sadly, that precious quiet was going to be shattered by Nascour |
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| Author: | elite42 [ Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:20 pm ] |
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ok for the 1st part, but correct the tense. not trying to sound like Banov, but when "nascour" had his metagross gone, you wrote "now he had his...", you mixed present and past tense. I like the story so far, let's say, 7.5/10, but not encouraging to repeat your previous story, you might want to add a mudkip here and there... 
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| Author: | elite42 [ Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
ok for the 1st part, but correct the tense. not trying to sound like Banov, but when "nascour" had his metagross gone, you wrote "now he had his...", you mixed present and past tense. I like the story so far, let's say, 7.5/10, but not encouraging to repeat your previous story, you might want to add a mudkip here and there...
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| Author: | mudkipman [ Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:57 pm ] |
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I have actually planned on throwing a mudkip in, I'll put the next chapter in tomorrow, I have been busy with Journey across America, |
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| Author: | mudkipman [ Tue Aug 22, 2006 9:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Tek ran through the street clutching his bleeding arm, looking for a way out. Behind him, he could hear sirens wailing in pursuit of him. |
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| Author: | mudkipman [ Sat Sep 09, 2006 11:50 pm ] |
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Ok, I know this is my third post IN A ROW but I would like to try to keep my story going so here is chapter three: The ride went quicker then Tek expected, the ride took only five minutes and they had reached Phenac city. Tek had to squint because of the huge difference between the gloom of Metagrosses |
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