Oooh, suspense. Good idea
Steven's son. I like it.
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| The Son of A Champion (Chapter *4*) http://forums.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=9716 |
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | The Son of A Champion (Chapter *4*) |
(Should I write it, I have some really good ideas, this is mostly a prologue |
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| Author: | Gr1v3r [ Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:45 am ] |
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Oooh, suspense. Good idea Steven's son. I like it.
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:48 am ] |
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Thanks, does anyone else like it? |
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| Author: | Crunchy [ Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:51 am ] |
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I see, so this is the same Nick from the roleplay Pokemon Escape. Very interesting, please go on. |
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:55 pm ] |
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Chapter 1- The Son of a Champion [color=cyan]Nick had always felt as something was missing in his childhood. And he knew what that thing was. He was missing a father. All his life his father had not played an important role at all in his life. In fact, his father had given full guardianship to Nick |
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| Author: | blu-suicune [ Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:00 pm ] |
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Can't go wrong with starting out with a Ralts! I liked what I read so far. I would recommend typing your numbers out like 'eleven' instead of '11'- it just looks generally better 
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| Author: | Crimson [ Mon Aug 14, 2006 6:35 pm ] |
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The prologue to me was dry, and to be horribly honest cliche. Prologues aren't meant to be horribly long but they deserve some meat on them! Romanticize things, use better idioms than 'dropped dead'. It's a bit odd for a woman who's probably laying down since she just gave birth to 'drop dead'. And why are there paranthesis saying that Nick's father left the hospital. There shouldn't be. And if the doctor and Stephen are talking in person, put some actions and emotions in there. Flavor text! The first chapter, the beginning wasn't so bad. But then you lost it, entirely for me, at the end. No description for the most part, I don't know why the Team Rocket member shouted 'gaah' I don't even know if he shouted it. You switched tenses in the middle too, don't do that. It's bad, very very bad. But that's just me. |
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 11:02 am ] |
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Chapter 2 The Beginning of an Adventure [color=cyan]Nick sat down on a stump. He wondered why those Team Rocket members wanted him. |
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| Author: | Crimson [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 11:06 am ] |
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*nods* Much better. |
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:14 pm ] |
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<center>Chapter 3 A Friend in the Horizon</center> [color=cyan]Ralts was frantic. She knew something was wrong with her trainer, she just didn |
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| Author: | Crunchy [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:02 pm ] |
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Hey, is that Lilly from the role-play? Did you ask for Lapras's permission first before writing about her character??? |
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:09 pm ] |
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I sent her a pm...she didnt respond..I can always change it. |
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| Author: | Crimson [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:10 pm ] |
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Out of curiosity why didn't you make up your own character? |
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:22 pm ] |
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I made up Nick...So he is my made up character. |
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| Author: | Crunchy [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:25 pm ] |
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Crimson's talking about Lilly... |
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:28 pm ] |
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Idk, wanted to make it a little like the rp's I guess, I mught even ask you guys down the line. Idk... |
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| Author: | Crimson [ Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:31 pm ] |
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'Lune', as in 'line'? And as...endearing as it is...its your story. Your story for you to show off how many different types of characters you can make. Mine has a jerk, everyday guy, and a creepy girl that everyone thinks is crazy. All of them I made up by myself. To grow as a writer you should stretch your imagination more. |
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| Author: | lapras [ Wed Aug 16, 2006 3:18 pm ] |
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 I am special!! Pikachu rocks. HAHAHA!!! Yup. He has my permission, he PMed me.
Also...I think it doesn't matter whether the characters were used or not, just as long as it doesn't stick to the other role play. |
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| Author: | Birdknight [ Wed Aug 16, 2006 5:43 pm ] |
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<center>Chapter 4 A New Friend</center> [color=yellow] |
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