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Holy Cow! A Spin-off of Epic Preportions!!!
Holy Cow! A Spin-off of Epic Preportions!!!
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Art Commentator   Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2006 11:39 am Posts: 2467 Location: London, UK 
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Hiya, everybody!!!
This is my first fanfic, so please criticize and evaluate! Anyway, the back-story is that the events of my RP (click here to read the backstory so far) have been emulated in Tokyo, along with other games, so this is like another fan-fic that I read, but slightly different. Here goes hilarity! I'll include character piccies whenever I can! For reference, here's Wiriamu: 
--- "Uggh," grumbled Wiriamu, "another day, another 1, 000, 300 crates of sushi served." Wiriamu was the only waiter at the Samurai Sushi bar, and he hated his job. The mere sight of sushi could make him vomit when he wasn't scurrying around feeding impatient buinessmen and rich foreign tourists. Even worse, his boss, Madam Kerii insulted him on a daily basis. Wiriamu was waiting for that moment in life when he could find a better job, like so many others in the land of the Rising Sun. Sadly, this was easier said than done. He had just got home to his two-room flat, when he noticed that his furniture was being hauled out by muscular men with T-Shirts that read "Repo Men". "I want an explaination!" Wiriamu cried out, "why are you taking all my stuff?" The repo men ignored him, and continued shoving his settee down the stairs. Finally, the last man pushed a piece of paper in Wiriamu's face. "Your rent's months overdue." the man laughed pitilessly, and tossed Wiriamu his DS. "Ha, this is so cheap that we can't even sell it!" the man chuckled, and walked away. Grumbling, Wiriamu entered what was left of his flat. He sat down on a lone cushion and sat in his fury. "This is all your fault!" he yelled at his DS, and tossed it and the other games that he owned onto a pile of Ramen and Genetically-modified hamburgers. What happened next would haunt him for the rest of his life. The radiation from the food seeped into the carts' chips and started pulling apart reality. Small warp holes appeared in the fabric of space, and out of it leaped creatures of unimaginable terror. "Oh, @*#~!!! This is really what I need!" Wiriamu groaned as a Dragonite ripped apart the north wall. The creatures spewed from the warps, and leaped out of the hole. Wiriamu was left swearing and stamping his feet in the wreckage of what used to be a tower block. --- OK, people! I need opinions and criticisms! _________________  |
| Sat May 20, 2006 1:13 pm |
 
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Pokemon Ranger   Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 5:52 am Posts: 558 Location: The United Kingdom.
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Good detail in there, for your first fanfic, it's a pretty good one.
Though I'd still say it's half-and-half, you're getting there, keep it up and umm... Read a dictionary and learn more words. (Lol, for the purpose of great detail and description.) 8.2/10 |
| Sun May 21, 2006 12:23 pm |
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Art Commentator Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2006 11:39 am Posts: 2467 Location: London, UK
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Been a while since anyone's posted, so I'm continung. Oh, and a piccie of Lt. Shibishi.
--- "Alert!!! Calling all units! Monster attack in progress at Akihabara!" The soldiers complained and put down their newspapers. "Damn, Godzilla's at it again." Lt. Shibishi grumbled. The radio blared again: "The mosters are reported to be violent, and they have destroyed half the shops!" "Monsters?" Private Matsuki thought out loud, "There's more than one this time?" The troops prepped for battle anyway. They were used to fending off Monster Island's creatures, so they were amply equipped with rocket launchers, grenades and sniper rifles. They weren't prepared for what was to come. Akihabara, Tokyo's electronics haven, was left in ruins. Scrambling around the wreckage, the survivors were met with waves of brain-sucking Metroids and hordes of Hammer Bros. Any that lived were sucked up by a furious Kirby and blasted into a wall. The creators of this mess, Groudon, Chain Chomp and Sin, were levelling any remainining buildings. Major Myishi was dumbfounded as to how to subdue these foes. His platoon had tried firing rockets at the strange creatures, but to no avail. Suddenly, out of no-where, Ridley flew down and began to blast the soldiers into oblivion. Major Myishi and three of his men found shelter in a deserted cellar from the alien that was tearing apart the bodies of the platoon. Ridley turned his head and sniffed in the direction of Major Myishi. He started to glide over towards the hiding place, and was right on top of the soldiers... Lt. Shibishi was praying silently for his life, and the other soldiers were crying or shaking with fear. He heard Ridley power up an attack, and he knew that it was all over for him... --- Please! More opinions this time round!!! _________________ |
| Wed May 24, 2006 11:57 am |
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