...a girl that loves ghost pokemon was walking through town. she spotted a abbanded mansion the gate was open she went into the mansion.she saw tons of ghost pokemon. there were gastly's,haunter's,gengar's,misdreaves's,and many more she decided to try and catch 1 of every ghost type pokemon in the mansion.when she caught a gengar in a love ball she let him out to hug.when she hugged him gengar got a weird look on its face it looked like this .then all of a sudden she felt numb. she looked for gengar but he was no where to be found.then for no reason she kept slapping herself then she realised that gengar was with her or should i say inside her.later that nite gengar choked her to death. after that morning no one say her agian.

Aside from the bad grammer and lack of periods, the story was rather nice. The choking part was a weird ending though...

One word can describe this. Pathetic.

Bad grammar. No description. Gah.

Be nice....It's not like everyone in the world can write like a famous poet.

Yah not all can be but that just stunk try using better grammar and descriptions next time and a more involved story

I know, but at least use GOOD GRAMMAR. SUFFICIENT LENGTH. Don't make up something in five seconds and type it out with closed eyes.

You don't have to be a famous poet, but you have to at least gain writing skills past those of an average second or third grader.

Yeah, I've had that line quoted 2 times now. What I meant was not everyone is perfect at what they do. You should see me playing kickball....pathetic.

When you post in a live forum however people want you to be at a certain level already. Not perfect maybe, but better than this at least. In order to have readers you do have to put some honest effort into your story and time. This looks like the sort of thing I could type in very little time at all...
Kickball is a totally different thing than writing . People do not read kickball, so if you do badly in it does not effect the veiwer ablity see the game. In writing however, if you don't work at it, the reader may be unable to 'see' the story you have in your mind.

Okay, here's a great thing; if you suck at kickball, and you lack the ability and will to get better, don't play it. If you suck at writing and you lack the ability and will to get better, then don't write!

Sometimes ability can come from sheer force of will That's how it was for me. I wanted to show everyone that I could do it...

But sometimes it's obvious that the attempt is bad.

You know what I mean... Lacking in something does not mean you cannot change it. Now, let's stop correcting each other, my head hurts!

Actually orange_flaffy, I included the will to improve as a reason not to quit....

People, stop with that discussion. It is obvious that golden_thunder's story lacks good grammar, and paragraphing and a decent storyline, everyone's already made that point. And yes, we all know humans have the ability to improve, in any way possible, so please put an end to your arguing.

Enough with kickball as well. You'll make me lock this for going off-topic AND turning it into a SPAMfest. ;(

golden_thunder, I suggest you to take a look at this topic to help you improve your writing skills. And please, next time you write a one-chapter fanfiction (or "one-shot"), please try to make it longer than that.

http://www.psypokes.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=8643

It was a very unusual story, although I kind of liked the ending...8.5/10. Great job!