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the return of master Nascour and unlocking the new world
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Ace Trainer   Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 1:26 am Posts: 389 Location: Hiding behind a rock 'cuz you're ugly 
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It was quiet, the kind of quiet that you can hear a pin drop in. Sadly, that precious quiet was going to be shattered by Nascour
_________________  Last edited by mudkipman on Sun Sep 10, 2006 3:56 pm, edited 2 times in total. |
| Thu Jul 13, 2006 11:26 pm |
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Dragon Tamer   Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:14 am Posts: 223 Location: I DON'T KNOW!! 9999999 Psybucks
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ok for the 1st part, but correct the tense. not trying to sound like Banov, but when "nascour" had his metagross gone, you wrote "now he had his...", you mixed present and past tense.
I like the story so far, let's say, 7.5/10, but not encouraging to repeat your previous story, you might want to add a mudkip here and there...  _________________ The Meadow's End A new revived fanfic by me  Come on and read its recent chapters! I'm motivated to continue if others are to read it~ Pokemon Diamond: Name: Quincy FC: 4553-8854-9459 The Rating Centre CAN'T be dead... can it?? |
| Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:20 pm |
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Dragon Tamer Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:14 am Posts: 223 Location: I DON'T KNOW!! 9999999 Psybucks
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ok for the 1st part, but correct the tense. not trying to sound like Banov, but when "nascour" had his metagross gone, you wrote "now he had his...", you mixed present and past tense.
I like the story so far, let's say, 7.5/10, but not encouraging to repeat your previous story, you might want to add a mudkip here and there... _________________ The Meadow's End A new revived fanfic by me Come on and read its recent chapters! I'm motivated to continue if others are to read it~ Pokemon Diamond: Name: Quincy FC: 4553-8854-9459 The Rating Centre CAN'T be dead... can it?? |
| Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:21 pm |
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Ace Trainer Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 1:26 am Posts: 389 Location: Hiding behind a rock 'cuz you're ugly
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I have actually planned on throwing a mudkip in, I'll put the next chapter in tomorrow, I have been busy with Journey across America,
_________________ |
| Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:57 pm |
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Ace Trainer Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 1:26 am Posts: 389 Location: Hiding behind a rock 'cuz you're ugly
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Tek ran through the street clutching his bleeding arm, looking for a way out. Behind him, he could hear sirens wailing in pursuit of him.
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| Tue Aug 22, 2006 9:18 pm |
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Ace Trainer Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 1:26 am Posts: 389 Location: Hiding behind a rock 'cuz you're ugly
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Ok, I know this is my third post IN A ROW but I would like to try to keep my story going so here is chapter three:
The ride went quicker then Tek expected, the ride took only five minutes and they had reached Phenac city. Tek had to squint because of the huge difference between the gloom of Metagrosses _________________ |
| Sat Sep 09, 2006 11:50 pm |
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