Psypoke - View topic - Devil or Angel (Ages 13+)

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[ 11 posts ]

Devil or Angel (Ages 13+)

Author	Message
Latias Tamer Bug Catcher Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 12:20 pm Posts: 13	Devil or Angel (Ages 13+) ~ Prologue ~ Shadows. Created when an object or person blocks the light of the sun. Then the shape of the thing is cast on a surface, like a wall or on the floor. Most people think shadows aren _________________ Poké Org. The next big thing! Help us make a game! Last edited by Latias Tamer on Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sun Oct 22, 2006 11:57 am

Flarey is very close to getting banned Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:13 pm Posts: 2900 Location: Hiding under her bed.	Deliciously creepy and suspenseful! One comment I would make would be when he arrived home and found the note. How did he get in if the door was locked? Adding in a small detail like that would improve it a whole lot Apart from that, awesome work! You've got a really fluent writing style, and about 30 bonus points for the flawless spelling and grammar. Keep it up, this is top notch stuff! _________________ If you're reading this, you're looking through old posts, getting nostalgic... send me an email, if you want. I'd love to hear from you. flareyworks (a) gmail Last edited by Flarey on Tue Oct 24, 2006 2:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
Mon Oct 23, 2006 2:54 am

DragonDaithi Ace Trainer Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2006 11:09 am Posts: 311 Location: Bitcharoonydoony	I like a good halloween story keep it up _________________
Mon Oct 23, 2006 10:47 am

Latias Tamer Bug Catcher Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 12:20 pm Posts: 13	Thanks Btw Sha is a guy. Lol loads of people think he's a girl. His full name is Shane, but his nickname is Sha for short -------- ~ Chapter Two ~ Home Alone Words: 2398 My eyes shoot open. I can move! I can see! I can hear! I can breathe too! It _________________ Poké Org. The next big thing! Help us make a game!
Mon Oct 23, 2006 11:46 am

Flarey is very close to getting banned Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:13 pm Posts: 2900 Location: Hiding under her bed.	Another enthralling segment A lot of conversation which can often lead to a disruption of the flow in the story, but handled very nicely. Just curious, are you writing this as you go along, or are you giving us pieces of a pre-written story? All up though, very nice. Not quite as high quality as the first part, most probably because most of it was in conversation. Try adding in a few more actions when holding longe conversations between characters, so as to break it up a bit and keep the mental images flowing. Apart from that, great job Can't wait for the next part! _________________ If you're reading this, you're looking through old posts, getting nostalgic... send me an email, if you want. I'd love to hear from you. flareyworks (a) gmail
Tue Oct 24, 2006 2:49 am

Latias Tamer Bug Catcher Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 12:20 pm Posts: 13	Okay, I'll bear that in mind. Next chapter coming soon. And yeah, I write it as I go along although I already had a few ideas from the beginning. _________________ Poké Org. The next big thing! Help us make a game!
Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:49 am

salasrojo Pokemon Trainer Joined: Thu Aug 03, 2006 7:45 am Posts: 34 Location: Philippines	Cooooooll dude! _________________ [img]http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/2014/b0d1xw5.jpg[/img]
Tue Oct 24, 2006 9:14 am

Latias Tamer Bug Catcher Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 12:20 pm Posts: 13	Thanks This one has some curses (and half curses) in it. --------- ~ Chapter Three ~ Diamond Unite Words: 2531 _________________ Poké Org. The next big thing! Help us make a game!
Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:49 am

Flarey is very close to getting banned Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:13 pm Posts: 2900 Location: Hiding under her bed.	Oooh. Suspense Quite possible my most and least favourite element of story-writing - or of life for that matter There's not much to say that hasn't already been said, and I can't think of any advice for this chapter specifically. An overall piece of advice though, is when you're writing something as you go, make sure to keep in mind where the story's going to end up. I can't begin to tell you how many stories I've started and never finished because I hadn't written down what should happen Keep it up, this is an awesome story! _________________ If you're reading this, you're looking through old posts, getting nostalgic... send me an email, if you want. I'd love to hear from you. flareyworks (a) gmail
Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:44 am

emaricaman Fails at life Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:16 pm Posts: 114 Location: look in your sock drower	ummmmm holy crap?? u has a flavor and vision that was cool _________________ do the wave
Mon Dec 04, 2006 7:12 pm

Latias Tamer Bug Catcher Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 12:20 pm Posts: 13	Thanks. I did the first chapter when I was 10, but only started writing the new chapters a few months ago. I won't be able to write more until I get less school work I'll try to do another chapter in the Christmas holidays. _________________ Poké Org. The next big thing! Help us make a game!
Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:32 am

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Devil or Angel (Ages 13+)

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