Hi. Im JPB GameCrazy and I created this story because it is exactly how I wish my life was, but is the exact opposite. The storyline is basically my imagination along the lines or the television series. The main characters name is Daeron and he is simply a beginning trainer in the world of pokemon. I might come up with more characters to follow around but for now I will stick with him


As Daeron woke up on that faithful day he began to wonder which starter pokemon he would choose. His father, Professor Birch, was allowing him to begin his journey in any region, because it was also his birthday that his father had his greatest surprise. Daeron rose and got ready to leave, when his father startled him in his lab.

Ok. I had an hours worth of typing done on this and I deleted it somehow so im not going to make up tht time. This is only his journey to Viridian City.

As Daeron set out on Route one he decided that he would train a little. He let Mudkip and Charmander out of their pokeballs and began to search for some wild pokemon. Charmander was up first. A wild Rattata was going to be Daerons first foe in battle.

"Charmander use Scratch!" Charmander swiftly swung his claws at the Rattata and made a direct hit. The Rattata easily dodged the second swing at that. "Carmander use Growl this time." Charmander let out a roar that had startled and lowered the Rattatas attack. "Charmander, Growl one more time!" Everyone was startled this time. Charmander emitted flames from its mouth, kocking out the Rattata buy a burn.

"Way to go Charmander, You learned Ember. Mudkip go." Daeron also released Mudkip at this time. "Mudkip, your turn to battle next. When Daeron could finally see Viridian City he also saw an opponent for Mudkip. A Spearow, lounging in the grass. "Mudkip, use Tackle!" Mudkip reared up and charged straight for the Spearow. Before the spearow noticed that it was being atacked it was hurt. The Spearow returned this favor, bu sinking its beak into Mudkips skin with a stream of Peck attacks. "Mudkip, use Tackle at full power now!" Mudkip gained a distance and began charging toward the Spearow nearly twice as fast. The Spearow began trying to take off to dodge, bt mudkip was too fast and hurled itself at the almost airborne Spearow, knocking it out.

"Great job Mudkip!" Everyone was so excited to reach Viridian City, Thier first destination. Daeron went directly to the pokemon center to get his pokemon healed. "Please take good care of them" "Don't worry. They'll be okay."

Sounds great! But I think that you should have just started in Hoenn and then made your way to Kanto.....Oh well, it's too late now! Other than that, I LOVE IT! There's so much excitement. Though, you might want to start a new paragraph everytime someone NEW is speaking!

Id do that, but Id have 20 new lines every post HeH

I also want Daeron to Meet with ash every now and then while hes at the Battle Frontier.

Daeron Headed for the phone and dialed home. "Why hello Daeron, how is your journey turning out?"

"Its going great dad. I got a Charmander from Professor Oak and I've already taught it to use Ember!"

"Thats fantastic. I sent a package for you over to the Professors lab. I would strongly appreciate for you to recieve it. I believehe said that he hed something for you too."

"Okay. Thanks for all of your support Dad." As Daeron hung the phon up he heard Nurse Joy calling his name. "Your Pokemon are ready to go Daeron."

"Thankyou Nurse Joy."

"Don't mention it. It's my job afterall!" And with that Daeron set off for Pallet Town once again. As Daeron began to be able to see Pallet Town from Route 1 he saw a flock of Spearow heade right towards him along with Mudkip and Charmander. They were even more frightened when they heard a voice in the distance.

"Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!" Hey, I know that voice Daeron thought. Over the horizon Ash and his Pikachu were running down the road. Pikach leaped into the air and used an amazing electric attack, the strongest attack that Daeron had ever seen. the attack instantly drove off the swarming Spearow. "Daeron are you okay?"

"Yeah, wow your pikachu is strong."

"yeah. I get that alot. Youd better head back to the Professors lab fast, I think he had something for you." Ash then set off for Viridian City with his incredibly strong pokemon. Daeron then headed for Professor Oaks lab.

Hello. Is anyone home?" Daeron entered Professor Oaks lab searching, and finding him and Mrs. Ketchum in the livingroom.

"Oh Daeron. Your father sent this for you." The Professor handed Daeron a pokenav.

"What is it?"

"It's a pokenav. It contains Vital informatin on just about anything, except pokemon, but I have something for you too. Its called a pokedex and it containd the information on any pokemon you can encounter." Professor oak pulled a red, rectangle shaped mechanism from his pocket.

"Thank you Professor. I had no idea you would trust me so much."

"Daeron its getting dark and late. Why dont you stay at my ouse to rest tonight."

"Really? Thankyou Mrs. Ketchum." Daeron was escorted to the Ketchum household, and politely thanked for the offer. "Here you are. You can stay in Ash's old room."

"You mean I get to stay in his room?" Daeron was so excited

"Of course. I cant think of a room more fit for you." And at that Daeron crawled into the bed and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Mrs. Ketchum woke up and went to check on Daeron “What!? Where could he be?” Mrs. Ketchum was too worried to even think that Daeron could be outside, training, just like another young boy she knew. She looked through the window only to see him training his Mudkip against a Pidgey.

“Mudkip use Tackle!” Mudkip gained speed and lunged into the Pidgey “Hmmmmm. Lets see.” Daeron opened his new Pokedex and went to Mudkips page. “Okay so Mudkip can use that move. Mudkip, use Mud Slap!” Mudkip was a little puzzled at first, but it naturally came to it. Mudkip dug up some dirt with its hand and threw it at the Pidgey. The Pidgey took is, but was not damaged all that much.

“It didn’t work. Try again Mudkip!” This time Mudkip Took to the name of the attack. Mudkip jumped up and slapped at least a pound of mud directly at the Pidgey. This time the Pidgey was knocked out. “Way to go Mudkip! You learned Mud Slap!”

“Mud Mudkip mud mud!” Daeron called Charmander out of its pokeball

“Charmander are you ready to go?” “Char char!”

“Oh Daeron! Why don’t you have some breakfast before you leave?

“You mean it? Thank you Mrs. Ketchum!” Daeron and his pokemon scurried over to the house for breakfast

“Dig in!”

“Wow! Did you make this all because I was here?”

“Of course! I always cook most when I have Company!” As he was asked Daeron ate like a horse.

“Thanks for breakfast Mrs. Ketchum.”

“No problem. Just don’t get lost out there.”

“Don’t worry. Ill be okay.” And Daeron set off down route one again. He neared Viridian City and saw a problem. How does that Spearow remember me? The same Spearow from yesterday was still mad. It began to charge at Charmander and Mudkip. Then it began glowing. “Uh oh. It must be evolving.” The Spearow stopped glowing “Oh no! It’s a Fearow now!” Daeron pulled out his Pokedex to see how powerful Fearow actually were.

Before he noticed it the Fearow had hit both of his pokemon, knocking them out. “Noooooooooooooo!” Daeron picked up his pokemon and ran into the Pokemon Center and instantly asked for Nurse Joy to take good care of his pokemon.

“Don’t worry Daeron. They’ll be okay.”

I haven't read the whole thing yet- though it's kind of hard to read. I keep getting confused beacuse there's all talk and no narriation. Try to make a nice story, using paragraphs and telling who's talking. Do you get that? But, so far, it's great. Good job!

Thanks! dont forget about the inferno roleplay either!

I won't, but it hasn't been active recently. Many people forget about Inferno over the holidays, and I have to recruit more people afterwards.
Keep working on the fanfic, though!

IT's really good JPBG! Keep it coming and keep asking for stuff in the MegaMArt!

Ok people. adding more now!



“Thank you Nurse Joy!” Daeron exited the Pokemon center and pulled out his pokenav. “So guys, should we head to Route 22 or 2?”

“Char Charmander!” “Mudkip Mud!”

“Okay. So well head to route 22 first.” And so they all headed west. As soon as they saw the grass they began creeping around in search of other pokemon.

“What are you doing?” An unfamiliar feminine voice asked.

“Um… Playing with my pokemon?”

“Humpf. My name’s Elita. What’s yours?”

“Daeron.”

“Interesting. Want to battle?”

“Battle? Sure!” And the battle began. Elitas first pokemon was a female Nidoran. “Go Charmander!” The first move had been taken. Elita commanded her Nidoran to use Poison Sting attack. Daeron swiftly commanded Charmander to dodge. “Now Charmander, use Scratch!” Charmander dove in and swiped Nidoran directly in the face

“Now Nidoran, use Horn Attack!” Uh oh. Horn Attack is a powerful move! Daeron commanded Charmander to dodge, but it was too late, Charmander was hit.

“Charmander can you still fight?” Charmander slowly rose and agreed. Charmander then was commanded to use scratch again, making a fatal hit to Nidoran, knocking it out. “Yeah, way to go Charmander!” Elita thought hard and sent out her next pokemon, a Metapod. She commanded it to use tackle attack. Charmander easily dodged. Daeron commanded Charmander to use Ember. The attack was too strong for Metapod, and knocked it out.

“Go Squirtle!” I’d better switch pokemon. Squirtle is a water type. Daeron called Charmander back.

“Go Mudkip!”

“Where did you get that?”

“That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is the battle. Mudkip use Mud Slap!” Mudkip jumped into the air and diligently slapped mud into Squirtles face. Elita commanded Squirtle to use Water Gun. A stream of water flew out of Squirtles mouth at an alarming speed, doing a lot of damage to Mudkip.

“Squirtle use Water Gun to power up a Tackle!” Squirtle did exactly as it was commanded and knocked Mudkip out with its amazing speed. I’ve got no choice I have to use Charmander. Charmander was released from his pokeball. Charmander Was commanded to use Scratch. When Charmander used the attack its claw started glowing.

“What’s that?” Daeron said as he opened his Pokedex. “Huh. Its Metal Claw!” Even though the attack was powerful Elitas Squirtle dodged it easily. Squirtle use Bubble next, which was powerful enough to knock out Charmander because it was super effective. “Charmander!” Daeron ran off to the pokemon center, leaving Elita standing there.

<font color="999999">Ok JPB, your story is a good idea, but then again, I would like to see more description, remember that elaborating is how a -good- story grows in popularity faster; I´m sertain that u like people to enjoy your tales (which are good), so elaborate more so that we can enjoy it the most.

My Rate?

7/10 for the effort and idea. again, try elaborating to hopp it into 10!!:D (or perhaps.. even more!...)

A little spelling mistakes here and there, but that´s a minor problem.

“Daeron! I’m sorry for what I did back there. I didn’t mean to make you run off like that!”

“Its okay. It’s my fault. I didn’t mean to run off, I just needed to get my pokemon here fast.”

“I can respect that. Hey, I think Nurse Joy is calling you.” Daeron slid over to the counter to retrieve his pokemon.

“Thank you Nurse Joy. Take care!” And Daeron left the Pokemon center. As he headed toward Viridian Forest to practice Mudkips Water Gun, a move that he found could be used by Mudkip.

“Daeron, wait up!”

“Huh?” Elita was running strait toward him. “If you’re headed to Pewter City, then I’m coming with you.”

“Thanks. After I was able to lose to you, I probably couldn’t make it through without another person. Maybe another pokemon, but I think I’ll stick with the ones I have.” So Daeron and Elita headed into the forest. “Hey Elita. Do you think you could battle my Mudkip again to help it learn Water Gun?”

“Sure.” So Daeron called out his Mudkip. And Elita called out her Nidoran. Daeron asked of Mudkip to try Water Gun. Mudkip tries to spit the water out of its mouth, but it just fell out in a freakish manner. Elita asked Nidoran to use Horn Attack, but only to get Mudkip angry. Nidoran did as it was told, which got on Mudkips nerves. Mudkip got angered with a scrunched look on its face, and then shot a fierce blast of water from its mouth.

“Yeah Mudkip, you learned Water Gun!”

“Good for you Mudkip” Elita said and patted it on the head

“Mudkip mud mud Mudkip mud!”

“Okay Elita, lets head through.”

Throughout the forest Daeron and Elita battled many trainers, in order to get through to the end. “Hey Daeron, there’s the exit!”

“Hey you!” a mysterious voice said. Suddenly, a Pokemon Trainer Popped up from out of the bushes. “Lets Battle!”

“Fine by me!”

“Me too. Make it a double Battle!” Elita added.

“Okay. Go Beedrill and Pidgeotto!” The mysterious trainer called out his two pokemon. Daeron sent out his Charmander, and Elita her Squirtle. Daeron commanded Charmander to use ember on the Beedrill. Elita commanded Squirtle to use Water Gun on the Pidgeotto. The Pidgeotto took to the air to dodge, but Squirtle adjusted its head a little and knocked the Pidgeotto out of the sky. The Beedrill was too slow in the first place to dodge Charmanders Ember. Both quickly reacted by their trainers command. The Beedrill countered with Pin Missile, and the Pidgeotto countered with Arial Ace.

Both of the pokemon of our Beloved characters were injured badly, when they both began to glow! “What’s going on?!” Both Elita and Daeron said simultaneously.

“Aughh!” The opposing trainer screamed. “They’re evolving!” The glowing pokemon stopped glowing, and in their places stood a Charmeleon and a Wartortle.

“Wow. They evolved.” Daeron said as he opened his Pokedex to Charmeleons page, and Elita to Wartortles. When they knew that they could use new attacks they commanded them immediately.

“Charmeleon use Dragon Rage on Pidgeotto!”

“Wartortle use Bite on Beedrill!” The attacks took direct hits on the opposing pokemon and knocked them out.

“That was a good battle.” The trainer said “Thanks.” And he disappeared into the woods.

“Well Daeron, there Viridian City.”

“Yep, lets go!”


heres the next part.

Keep it coming! There are still a few spelling mistakes but....meh. I just realized that your TC's are the ones for Elita and Daeron! MAybe you should have Elita also have an Umbreon since Daeron has an Espeon....

I make balanced Teams when I can. Here's what I do.

Always have

Grass
Fire
Water

Try to get all
Ground
Flying
electric
Psychic

If something else
steel
fighting
dark
dragon


besides. Im not sure if it was ever true, but she already has a dark. in GSC Vileplume was grass/dark

EDIT: You're right! She doesnt need jolteon, cause shes got vileplume and nidoqueen will know rockslide. Changing tcs now. Does anyone know how to hyperlinkthem to this page?

<font color="999999">What?! since what day Charmeleon learns Dragonbreath?! (I know, i know... never; thats why I didn´t like that part) and no, Vileplume was NEVER a Grass/Dark, but it has been Grass/Poison since the beggining, and the combo "Grass/Dark" is completely new (from hoenn forward) so please, rephrase that.

I just cannot go on with the anti ethic events that keeps happening here and there


^O.O!! wow! how rushed was that!, I just don´t even know how does that trainer look like, it is a boy or a girl?, what was he/she wearing?, what age approximately was this mysterious trainer? (how old are Daeron and Elita anyway?) and since when did Charmeleon knew the Dragonbreath technique? (oh! sorry I already asked that)

PLEASE, PLEASE! DON´T TAKE THIS LIKE A FIRING COMMENT!!!:( , THOSE ARE JUST MY DOUBTS ABOUT YOUR STORY, AND I THINK MOST DETAILS ARE IMPORTANT SO PLEASE, try things better (I know, my story was a mess before but still! I don´t want your story to be a mess like mine was before!!)

okay. now I see where your going with elaboration. but check out Charmeleons dex page. It say, somewhere around the level they evolve charmeleon learn dragon breath

Think. when do trainers start their journey. 10

EDIT: Im so sorry. It say dragon rage not dragonbreath. I will edit it now.

<font color="999999">yeah, I know he can lear dragonbreath, but only by TM, I guess, or also by breeding?, not sure, but since it is a starter pkmn, I guess it doesn´t have to know any move learned by TM or breeding...

And about the age, I know official starter triners begin thier jouney at the age of 10, but not always... in my story, the main character, who is also a beginning trainer, starts his journey at the age of 15 ...

sorry. I was remembering the first episode

AABM your the one harping on elaboration, I need your opinion on theis part,



“Wow Elita. Pewter City is huge!”

“You mean you’ve never been here before?”

“No. I’ve lived in the Hoenn region for the past ten years. I just came here to start on my journey.” Daeron and Elita wandered down the wide paths of Pewter city, stopping to admire all of the exquisite houses and beautiful gardens. Daeron checked his pokenav to see what there was to do. “Elita, do you plan on defeating gyms?”

“I am. Are you?”

“Yeah. That’s the reason I wanted to become a pokemon trainer. To defeat gyms and become the best that I can become. There’s a gym here in Pewter City.”

“I was kind of hoping to evolve my Metapod into a Butterfree first. We should get some supplies too. Tell you what. I’ll go train my Metapod, and you stock up on potions and other important items.” Before Daeron could refuse to pay for supplies Elita called out her Metapod and ran off to train.

“Oh well. Charmeleon, Mudkip, come on out!” Daeron eagerly released the two pokemon from their poke balls. “Alright guys we’ve got to gather supplies for our trip.” The two pokemon strongly agreed, as they knew supplies meant food. The pokemon were terribly hungry.

As they headed for the Pokemart they all took in the beautiful sights of Pewter City. Including the towering gym that stood right behind the Pokemon Center. The group entered the Pokemart staring everywhere. There was anything you could have imagined on those shelves. Daeron walked up to the large, green counter and asked if they had some sort of kit for travelers.

“Of course!” the clerk said. Daeron and his pokemon followed the clerk, a female in a green dress with a blue apron tied around her neck and waist, down the hallways of stacked items. “Right here. This kit contains just about everything you will need, except poke balls. I’ll bring this up to the counter. Anything else you’ll need?”

“Yeah. I think Ill take four poke balls.” The clerk picked up some balls from the shelf and led Daeron back to the front counter. I hope I have enough to pay.

Daeron walked out of the store with a relieved look on his face. “Well that wasn’t so much now was it. Only enough to empty my wallet.” Daeron pokemon looked kind of sad in a way as Daeron did himself. I wonder where Elita is. She should be back by know. Daeron noticed just then that a person in a red T-shirt was yelling at a pokemon that looked familiar from the Hoenn region, a Shroomish.

“I can’t believe that I caught you in a whole nother region, then took you here only for you to lose at a gym. I never want to see you again!” The trainer said. The sad Shroomish sped off into the grass, crying. Daeron ran over to the horrid trainer.

“I can’t believe you would do something like that, to a pokemon.” Daeron yelled at the trainer as he sped by trying to catch the Shroomish.

“Eh. It was useless.” The trainer casually replied. Daeron stealthily caught up to the Shroomish, as it was battling a Rattata that was attacking it. Daeron commanded his Charmeleon to use Scratch in order to save the Shroomish.

“Shroomish are you okay?” the Shroomish replied happily.

“Shroomish Shroom Shroom!” The Shroomishs gaze drifted off to a pokeball that had fallen out of Daerons knapsack. The Shroomish bolted toward the ball and managed to catch itself.

“Wow. I just caught a Shroomish.” Swiftly Mudkip turned around and headed straight for the town. Daeron and Charmeleon caught up with Mudkip around the gym, meeting also Elita and her new Butterfree.

“Daeron, I was training my Butterfree when this cute little thing came along and I just had to catch it. Come on out Oddish!” she took a pokeball and released a small pokemon that looked like a black flower bulb with grass for hair. “Isn’t it just the cutest?!”

“Yeah. I just caught, or rather it caught itself, a Shroomish. Come on out.” Shroomish was released from its new pokeball, and immediately began to chatter with Oddish. “They’re going to be good friends, I can tell. Do you want to head over to the gym now?”

“Okay, let’s go!” Daeron, Elita, and all of their new pokemon headed into the enormous gym, only able to wonder what would happen.

<font color="999999">Hey, me the one harping on elaboration? I don´t think so... what´s a harping in elaboration anyway? (heck! I dunno, sorry; I come from Venezuela and english is not the first language here, but spanish...)

Anyways, back to busyness...now that´s a whole lot better, but y´know? u can also add a person´s mood before or after that character´s dialogue; such as...



and maybe in responce of this:



or something like that, I know it is kinda hard to do it almost always, but u got to do something similar with characters dialogues when needed, not always, but when needed; see that with that kind of additional (not irrelevant) information u can also take the advantage and describe the place where they are, or what are they doing or anything u want to describe. I hope this helped.

Oh! and btw, your descriptions on the city were good, I could imagine it clearly.

and please, I dunno about you, but you can substitute pokemon dialogues...



I think u could make smashing stories if u follow these tips AND of course if u could be so creative, or something, and add at the beginning some kind of "Introduction" to the plot, such as...



or something like that; I don´t think u need to get any better, but rather than that, u have deadly-hign chances of throwing astounding stories around the place...

so wut would you rat me this time?

<font color="999999">I´m not certain, but maybe a... 7.8/10... yeah, that is a fair rating so far.

just please keep this, and of course, follow what people ask you to improve your skills at writting, since they do that because they care about this story, I do, so y´know what to do now.

I´ll be patient until next stage arrives; keep at this, and by the way; if u need kinda pattern or something to follow in terms of structure or plot, or whatever; go to Pokemon: a Diamond Adventure by Pokéfreak7

or

Pokémon: Oracle of Legends by me .

AABM i would like your opinion on this popening sentence before i post the rest.

Awestruck is the only word to describe the feeling when Daeron and Elita entered the rough, rocky gym. “This is the rock gym. Its leader is said to get straight to the point. His name is Brock. He’s is supposed to be one of the toughest rock type trainers ever.”

“That’s going to be kind of hard, facing an expert trainer like him.”

<font color="999999">I couldn´t tell u if it is alright or not, since it is very short and I think u will do it quite good (if u don´t dissapoint all of us readers) but my word to your case is to try not to be dependant on someone to aprove your things/ideas, for instance, I like posting my chapters whether they are completed or not (since they are long) but I think u must give your ideas a Try and post them, if there is something we readers can do for you to help, just listen to us, since (I think) most of readers in here had written a fic. in their lifes.

as I said, I htink thats a short intro, but not nesesarily, all depends on how is the entire chapter, and don´t give me so much credt about writting/fan fic.ing; but rather give credit to comedianmasta and Crimson, who helped me a lot when I was starting my story.

so far, I know you will just get better on this, but then again, don´t depend on someone (and even less on me! since my first language is not english) so please, show us what you are made of and throw the entire thing, I guess I´m not gonna be the only one who is gonna like it (or the rest of the fic.)