I love this story. A lot. I'm going to print it out when you get more chapters. <3
Now, there's a few grammatical errors, though.
Mostlyjoe wrote:
“Looks like that’s the last of it,” Ray commented.
You should use a comma instead of a period if your dialog doesn't finish the sentence.
Mostlyjoe wrote:
But, in the year he has worked there he was becoming more and more "just one of the guys".
You should use quotation marks right there, but it isn't necessary.
Mostlyjoe wrote:
Leonard honestly never challenged Byron, but always seemed to be by his side when a Tourney was coming up.
There should be a comma there.
Mostlyjoe wrote:
“I dunno, Leonard. Knuckles is starting to show a paunch. You sure we shouldn’t just get him some vitamins?” Ray joked.
A comma there, too. There should always be a comma before a name in a case like that (I dunno what it's called), as well before "too".
Mostlyjoe wrote:
Leonard blew him off and reached down to pick up his lunch box when he jumped back ,startled. Ray perked up and Knuckles hopped down off the truck to protect his master.
A comma there, too. :P
There are a few more errors, but I think you get it. :)