I couldn't find an up-to-date thread for this,so I started my own.This thread is for those of us who hurt and have nobody to tell about it.It is also for people who want to help others feel better;we need more of those people in this world.

But,enough of my explanations...I get irrational when I'm sad...like I am now.

My guyfriend and I had a huge fight and I can't sleep knowing we fought.I've been crying for God only knows how long (it's 1:00 AM over here).I have a history of suicidal thoughts.I'm putting this all in the open because I want others like me to know that they aren't alone.

I need help.I know it.I don't really like psychiatrists,but that doesn't change the fact that I need help.Anyone who has ever felt this way and anyone who wants to help,please post here.

Hi Draconian, I'm glad you posted this - it is usually a good idea to talk things out when you're down. I don't know for sure how much help I can be, but if you want someone to listen, I'm sure you'll find friends on here. Might I ask what the fight was about?

Anyway, if you'd like to chat with someone with the insight of a few extra years on the planet, let me know. We can talk in here, or if you'd prefer, we can make arrangements to chat via one of the messaging services . . .

(And no you guys, I'm not trying to pick her up - get your filthy minds out of the gutter! - Sickos . . .)

Hey, sorry to hear that. I'd hate to get in a fight with my girlfriend, I am the same way, can't sleep, tossing and turning all night. You just need to get a hold of him as soon as you can, let him know how you're feeling, not necessarily about what you were fighting about, just how you feel after the argument. It gives you a little room to talk calmly to each other.


I, on the other hand, have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years and her parents are all up-tight about letting her see me. I'm a good kid, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or break laws. I'm a nice guy, don't stomp on other's feelings and I'm pretty down-to-earth for my age. Most of all, I make her feel good but just being around. Still, her parents would pretty much rather have any other guy date her, including a guy that wasn't that great to her in the first place the FIRST time she dated him.

Well,guys,he doesn't ever tell me when something bothers him.I'm the type of person that can't help but try to make the lives of those closest to me better,but he just won't let me...I think his manly pride is getting in the way.He has never cried.At least,not that I've heard.I'm afraid that his emotions are just going to keep building up until he has a meltdown or something.But,for all I do to try and help him,he won't have any of it.Just a mock conversation of what happens when I KNOW something's not right:

Me:You sound sad...is something wrong?

Him:No,nothing's wrong.

Me:You sure? Did your dad and (stepmom's name) fight again?

Him:It's nothing.

Me:...Are you hiding something?

Him:Did you see what happened on Everybody Hates Chris? It was hilarious!

He does whatever he can to avoid talking about his feelings,even to the point of accusing me of not trusting him because I don't believe him when he says nothing's wrong...I just don't know what to do anymore.We're still friends,but our relationship is currently on hold.I want thing to go back to the way they were...ending our conversations with "bye" and "I love you".

By the way,I don't care where we talk,I just need help with this.And,regardless of what's going on now,I'm still with my boyfriend,so to anyone who thinks BarnOwl and I are into each other like that,YOU ARE SICK PEOPLE FOR THINKING THAT A GIRL ASKING FOR HELP AND A GUY HELPING HER MEANS THAT HE IS TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION.When you're as confused as I am,you could accept help from an axe-murderer because you want out of the trouble so badly.So no rumors.

I believe I can help or add or whatever.


Bugger. Well, that’s just something you’ll have to live with. I’ve had a dad who wanted to punch my lights out after I had a break up with his daughter, and guess what, I retried with the same girl. Now that’s pretty awkward. As long as you treat her right, her parents will eventually see that and accept you. Don’t worry so much about it. It’ll just do your head in. Hopefully you don’t do the “family dinner” when you’re about at her house. -raises hand, points to me- Experienced that.


What you’re saying can be summed up in this sentence.

“Not all guys/girls like to talk about their feelings.”

Sometimes they do if they want something, if you know what I mean. But take me again as an example; I hardly ever used to smile because baaaaaaaw my life sucked and all that crap, but nowadays I’m getting more cheerful and confident. Still, it’s hard for me, personally, to hold a smile, or to seem relaxed around people except my mum and nan.

I get asked all the freaking time why I look the way I do or to loosen up. Heck, some weirdo from the last time I went out to the pub, who had been in jail for four years and continues to work for the mafia (i no kid) stealing crap, starts a conversation with me who spoke to me about some asian dancing on the dancefloor in front of us (apparently they’re taking all our jobs, it seems), then went on, having followed me to the smoking area, about how I looked like I had a lot of built up anger inside me and that he understood. Luckily my friend was there to pull me out of that.

Every Ex I’ve had has asked me if something’s wrong, and there never was. And for your information, I didn’t break up with them for the stupid reason of them asking me multiple times whether I was okay, but sometimes it just got me really, really annoyed --- hair pulling annoying. Why do people have to be happy and wear a smile 24/7 anyway? Sure SOME people manage it, but I certainly can’t.

Also, your first paragraph, about wanting to help to try to make those lives of those closest better... Sounds good, but sometimes you have to back off for a little while and give some people space. From what I can tell, you’re word orientated so you’ll walk up to someone you care for and start a conversation about their feelings and whatever just like the one you provided above. You said it doesn’t help at all, right? So, why not just give him a hug if he looks sad? Remember, not everyone likes to talk about themselves/feelings all the time. Words and talking about your feelings is overrated, though it does hold a basis for the relationship, because obviously that’s how it started.

About your depression, I hate talking about this crap but here we go... I’ve known a lot of people with it, and it is probably best if you get help in case the worse actually does happen. You shouldn’t say you’ll kill yourself over anyone, because you know, it won’t be the end of the word, and also, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You’re still young, etc, so don’t be so hard on yourself. If your boyfriend is stuck up and doesn’t appreciate that you care, then that’s his loss, right? You probably could find somebody else nicer anyway, someone who’s in touch with his feelings?

End of.

Well, that assumes they let me in the house. Iactually want to be able to sit down and have a dinner with them.

My cousin's friend has a horse named Sassy.She's very intelligent and willing to do what you ask,but she's scared of everything.That's why I love her;we're exactly alike!

Maybe it's a blessing you haven't yet experienced that then if they hate you as much as you claim. Like a said before, try not to worry about it --- it doesn't matter. When you're in a relationship with someone, their family is just an attachment. Even if you hold the best relationship with their parents, it's over once the two of you break up. Just be grateful your girlfriend doesn't hate you, lol.


Um, wow, forget I said anything! All I can say to you now is good luck, good luck indeed...

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

But anyway,I'm starting to recover from this depression a bit.I'm laughing a bit now and I really enjoyed myself yesterday;I rode a thoroughbred gelding named Rooster.Only problem is,he has a REALLY bony back and I like to ride without a saddle.PAINFUL.

Hi Draconian Kelsey. As has been already mentioned, some people don't like to talk about emotional things - especially when those emotions might still be really fresh and really painful. Some people (and it's not just guys) just don't want to open themselves up to what they perceive to be more emotional wounding. They're afraid that if they open themselves up to someone else, that other person might be judgmental, or might think they are weak because they are experiencing these emotions. Some people feel they must put forward a tough exterior, bottling up their "weak" emotions to keep from being hurt even further. It can be difficult to get someone like this to open up. And one does need to be somewhat cautious to keep from hurting this person further. If they have experienced a lot of emotional pain which they're keeping bottled up, it can be extremely painful for them - and you.

I don't know much about you, except what I've read here, but you seem to be a very caring, sensitive and probably empathic person. You can redily sense when someone you care about is feeling bad about something - and you want to try to help them. But, as I said, you may need to be somewhat cautious. Try to let him know that IF he is feeling bad about things, that you would be there to listen to him. You don't necessarily want to tell him that he NEEDS to talk about things, just let him know that it's okay to talk about it with you when he is READY to talk. And I say "IF he is feeling bad ..." because, as you've already discovered, if you try to tell him that you know he is (and being empathic, you probably have a pretty good feel for it), he will either just deny it, change the subject, or possibly lash out.

And, when he IS ready, let him talk. I'm sure you've had your share of people who have been judgemental of your own feelings - how many times have you started to open up to someone about how you're feeling, only to have them say something like "that's just stupid". Also remember, you might want to avoid the phrase "I know how you feel". If someone is in a lot of emotional pain, they may react badly to that statement - instead use phrases like "I think I understand how that must feel", or "that must really hurt". We may understand what a person is feeling, but we don't really know what they're feeling, we are not actually them. Let him tell you how he's feeling.

Also, we need to resist the temptation to start relating similar things that we've experienced - not avoid it completely, but we should use our own experiences sparingly . . . like when they're stuck for what else to say, or we feel they may need a little break from talking. Remember, if we jump in with our own stories, our friend may just stop talking - he may feel that his own feelings aren't important to us anymore, because we're off on our own story.

Obviously, I don't know even less about your friend than I do about you - but you do need to ask yourself one thing about all of this. Is it possible that he may "blow up" and become violent? This is why I keep saying to proceed cautiously. I doubt that he seems violent at most times - but if he has been experiencing a lot of emotional pain at home, it can build up to some pretty high levels. I've used the phrase "bottling up" the emotions - it is very much like constantly stuffing things into a bottle or jar . . . a person might keep opening the jar, stuffing new emotional pain into it and slamming the lid back on. Eventually, the pressure gets to a dangerous point and if someone forces them to tear that lid off - all of that pain can come boiling out all at once - and sometimes the person can lash out at those who are emotionally close to them and hurt them. This is not intentional, but it can be bad none the less . . . sometimes a person can even become physically violent.

So - to recap - let your friend know that you are there and willing to listen when he is ready, but let him know that you are not going to force the issue. Be understanding and nonjudgemental. Remember you're there to support him and help him to work through these things, but remember the old cowboy saying; "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

Now; I am glad that you are starting to feel better for yourself also. And do, please accept my apology for not responding again sooner - I get sidetracked sometimes. :-/ As to having thougths of harming yourself, you should know that you are not alone - not in the least. I'm glad that you are willing to talk about it in here. But if you are feeling bad about yourself and things around you - do find someone to talk to. You can PM me on here, I'm also on Facebook & MySpace. You'll also find me occasionally on the Psypoke IRC channel (read about it here) and you can find me on Pogo games site from time to time (I'm known as E-Trogon on Pogo). (You'll find I can be a pretty good listeneter too.) Depending on where you live, you can find other local sources of people who would to talk to you, without having to pay for a psychiatrist. But do, please, find someone to talk to - you're more used to being the one who is listening and trying to help, but it's really not too bad to have someone else listen to you too . . . from time to time.

[Edit] Oh, and my crack about people thinking I'm a predator was just kind of a preemptive joke. To keep others from being S.A.'s & saying something. Sometimes I'm too much of a S.A. for my own good.

I've taken your advice to heart,BarnOwl.I myself am guilty of bottling my emotions up.In fourth grade,a guy brought a mexican red-haired tarantula to my school.He talked about it for a few minutes before putting its container on my desk and asking me to pass it around.I,being arachniphobic at the time,freaked out and started crying.We had an indoor recess that day,during which all the other kids taunted me.Then,when the noise level got too high,our teacher called us back to our desks and ended recess early.Their response? "Thanks a lot,Kelsie."

Ever since then,my natural response to teasing was to break down and cry.In seventh grade,I became stone cold.Not only did I stop crying when people messed with me,I also stopped showing any kind of emotion.I ignored people who taunted me,and only showed my laughing,easily amused side.I met my boyfriend in eighth grade when I was dared to ask a random guy to the dance (and go with him if he said yes).He decided to go with me and we got to be very friendly.I tried to be myself,even laughing when I spilled a drink on myself so that it looked like I wet my jeans.I said,"God's reminding me that soft drinks are bad for my teeth!"

Even so,I hid my pain and never showed that I cared what others said about me.In reality,it ate at my heart like acid.I didn't cry though.Even when I discovered that my mom had slept around in high school and had no idea who my biological father was,I didn't show my pain.At least,not until my granny (who raised me) died in March 2010.I cried a lot after that.The news spread like wildfire through school,so I was not teased when I cried in public...except when this preppy,popular couple was around.They didn't care that my granny died.That hurt me even worse.When I was on the phone with my boyfriend,I finally cracked.I cried hard that night.He wasn't sure what to say (he had never been in my position before),but he comforted me.Now,I see that emotion isn't weakness;it's what makes us human.If we as humans had no emotion,we would have no ethical values and would probably exterminate ourselves within a few hours.

All I want is for him to realize what I know now;emotion is not weakness.I am socially awkward,so I'm not very confident when it comes to "reading" other people;this is what contributed to my confusion as to why he wouldn't show his feelings when he knew that I was not judgemental.Your advice reminded me that not everybody has had the experiences that I have had.Maybe he has never been in a situation where he felt comfortable sharing his feelings.Maybe he was raised believing that emotions are bad.It's not impossible;I was raised believing that nothing I did was ever good enough (I'm still working the kinks out of that problem).I see now that he is not me.He and I may be similar in some ways,but we are not identical.I can't thank you enough for your help,BarnOwl.And everyone else,too.I might still be in that emotional hole if not for you.Thank you.

I don't really know how to advise you on this, but like Crunchy said, you should hang on to the fact your girlfriend cares for you, because her parents aren't important in comparison - she's on your side, and thats what matters. She may win them over eventually, and she may not. I don't really think there is anything you can do other than that, except come across as friendly as possible whenever you see them. Try not to let it get you down too much, but its a shame that parents can get like that. They should just want what makes their child happiest.

I went through something similar with my ex - he wouldn't actually tell his family we were dating, and although I've met his sister on multiple occasions, and his parents once, I knew if they were actually aware we were dating they'd hate me for it, intentionally or not, because they'd rather he was dating a girl. On the occasions I met his family though, they also made somewhat homophobic remarks, unaware of both his and my own sexuality. The relationship didn't last that long so I don't know it to such an extent, but I have a feeling my parents, or at least my mum, will somewhat dislike any guy I date in the future for similar reasons.

But I hope they finally see that your good for there daughter/accept you.

Thanks, it's starting to look better anyhow.

well nowadays I'm generally a happy person, don't get me wrong, I'm an optimistic dick who goes around smiling and thinking he's got it all figured out or whatever. I guess I'm just content being alive.

that said, I do get mildly depressed pretty regularly, it's usually something to do with a girl. lately I was depressed because this girl I'd had my eyes on for 6 months just got in a relationship with another guy...who already has a girlfriends btw.....but I'm pretty over that now, now I'm upset about someother girl who said she loves me back, but lately doesn't talk to me, and when I figure that maybe she's just gotten bored of me, she comes and she's all like "I love you faris", I'm starting to thing she's playing me for some sort of fool....and I guess that upset's me.

Some girls are *ahem* "mean".This one girl acted all nice and then stabbed me in the back.Turns out she just wanted to come to my birthday party (this was 5th grade).Still hate that girl.

But not all the "meanies" are girls.My ex-boyfriend was really nice to begin with,but he wouldn't let me talk to other guys.He even hit me once.If you know me,I don't like being treated like I'm worthless,so I beat the guy up.Best.Break-up.EVER! XD

yeah, I don't get it, I know who through one of my friends who lives in England, and I met her through him via msn and Facebook because she was his girlfriend and we used to chat and video conference all the time, then they broke up, and she still kept in touch, and said that she wished I lived in England because she loves me.....so why would she do that, I mean, maybe she's one of those con men who wants me to buy a ticket fro her to come to Jordan and then steal the money......I dunno, the whole thing is just upsetting....and oh look at that, she's sent me a message and has used the word "darling" :/

well, do you like her?? you obviously don't trust her, so i'm pretty sure you don't love her. the way i see it, since you guys only talk to each other via the internet (have you even met in real life?), the most sensible thing to do would be to a) ignore her little love-sentences or b) stop talking to her and find a girl outside of the internet. i'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but those are really two of the only options i see. the third is talking to her about it, but if she's as conniving as you think she is, this may be pointless anyways. hope this helps!

we have or had a special relationship.....as in we both express a feeling of what you might call "love" but in a dormant state because we both understand that there is a distance between us and it's very probable that we'll never be able to be together, so we're calling it "hypothetical love". so a) ignoring her little love sentences doesn't do me much help because it's not that I love that's the issue. because the reason I'm upset is simply that we don't talk like we used to, after a period in which I felt we had a real connection, and was it just a little game she was playing? and B) stop talking to her, that won't help, I'm upset that I'm not talking to her and as for finding a girl outside the net, don't worry, we aren't like that, she has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend, we're purely hypothetical....like people who have girlfriends in online social avatar sites

I tend to give up on long-distance relationships.But that's me,not you.The best of luck keeping this relationship,whether it's love or friendship.Keep it sweet and stay away from the sour;I lost all taste for about a week after I shoved thirteen Shockers into my mouth.Then,of course,my over-achieving boyfriend ate the rest of the bag (about twenty) at once and didn't even break a sweat.Don't get me wrong,I love him to death,but I don't like to lose at anything.Except ugly contests.I could lose a million and still be happy.

Well, according to the subject, i do recently have a problem, but it isn't love problem, it's school problem.

In my high school, there are a lot of annoying upper-grade that always command us to do something bull****. If there is someone who disagree, they put him to detention whatsoever the reason. I have a friend that disagree and rebel against them, and he is put on detention no matter what method they choose. (EG: Giving him sharp-eye every time they met him) And the people who did it are at a size of one class. And those who rebel are only a few, so they can't do anything about it. The upper-grade said that they did this because of "Seniority". I know that they just want to bully us for no reason, but they always said about their so-called seniority. I, myself really hate seniority since my junior high school. And they also tried to find something that seems wrong in my class, like there is a garbage on the floor, the class was too hot, etc. They always tried to make us to get into pressure of their so-called seniority, so they could be superior against us. It really makes me mad about that and i even wish that i hit my head and completely forgot about them.

P.S. Please note that they are upper-grade, most of teachers believe in them. They are bullies but they are hidden from the school. If they are not hidden and bullies, i could lead my class to rebel against them and throw them from the second floor.

Well, just think, soon enough you'll be in their year and you won't have to see them again because school would be done for them. Just try to ignore them, do what you think is right, stick with your mates. Be cool, just like goldenquagsire's avatar.

I hate that.Mankind has turned into a gossip machine that only knows how to hurt.Me and my...well,I've been calling him my boyfriend,but the other day he said he just wanted to be friends.I tried to be cool about it;after all,you can't make somebody love you.Anyway,we were hanging out in the car after our 8th grade pool party.I was tired,so he let me lay on him.I'll be very honest here.I had never been so close to somebody before.I wanted to hold his hand,but I was too nervous.I wanted to tell him I loved him,but all I could say was,"I love hanging out with you." Most of all,I wanted to kiss him,but I was too scared.LAter,he texted me and we talked for a bit.In his last text he said,"ily",text slang for "I love you".I was so happy I cried.Over the summer,he flirted with me through text.At first I was like,"Uh...what have you been smoking?!",but after a while I just went along with it.Sometimes he said some funny stuff.

I thought everything was perfect...until school started.Freshman orientation,I ran up to him expecting a hug or maybe a long conversation (he's a bit shy and doesn't really care for showing affection in public,which was fine with me).All I got was,"Hey."

The next day we actually talked,but it wasn't anything like what I expected.I finally asked him,"Are we together or are we just friends?" He said,"Just friends."

I was thinking something to the effect of,"Just friends?! After everything we've been through? After both of us has said,'I love you'?" It hurt me that he didn't think of me as his girlfriend,even though I thought of him as my boyfriend.I did act like that was fine with me,but he had really hurt me.Yesterday before school when we usually hang out,I didn't say anything to him.My friend,Lisa (names changed to protect the amazing) came over and we started talking about how guys were so stupid.We talked (quite loudly) about how we were going to get revenge.My "boyfriend" wasn't even a yard away and heard every word we said.He didn't do anything about it.When the bell rang,I turned to him and said,"That obvious enough for you,Mr.Dense?" Then I kicked his leg.All I've heard from him since is "Ow!" and that was when I walked away.I'm waiting for him to call me.That will be another big hint for him.He doesn't understand how to tell when something is wrong with me,so the hints are really more like huge signs saying,"HEY! SHE'S MAD AT YOU! FIND OUT WHY!" Right now,though,he's probably still asleep and when he gets up the first thing he'll think is "What's for breakfast?" I know not all guys are stupid,but when it comes to women they'd have to have a Master's degree in psychology to understand us.

Ouch...all of this in your freshman year? You have my condolences, Draconian Kelsie. Don't let it ruin your first year of high school. As a freshman, you meet a LOT of new people throughout the year; there's a good chance that you'll find someone so much better than that dense "boyfriend" of yours before the end of school rolls around. It sounds cliche, but trust me.

Well I am in need of help. I got my second closest friend mad at me last Monday, and she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. Apparently she got upset about the fact she became my second closest friend and is the jealous type. I need help and don't know what to do, I have been told to forget about her and move on, but she has been a good friend since my 8th grade year(I'm in the 11th now). I have also been told to say mean things to her but I don't want to. What I really want to do is to get her to stop being mad and be friends with her again, but I don't know if it is a good idea.