Backfire VII ended almost two weeks ago. Two weeks is long enough. Introducing Backfire VIII!!!

So you might be wondering how to play, or you might not. But you're getting the rules anyway. Yay...I guess...

The rules are simple. One person makes a wish. The wish could be anything. Then you grant that wish, but make the wish 'backfire' on the wisher, so that they don't benefit from their wish. Then you make a wish. Play proceeds as such.

Example:

I say: I wish for a computer.
Someone else says: Granted, but it was broken. I wish for a new dog.
So on and so forth.

The game ends on March 6th. Don't criticize other people's wishes or their backfires. Please don't make fun of other users seriously in your wishes or backfires. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, now do we?
Make sure to have fun. I'll start us off:

I wish for a truckload of bacon.

ALRIGHT A NEW BACKFIRE!!! I love this game!

Granted, but suddently the bacon morphs into a giant living pig and gobbles you up.

I wish that TV became more interesting these days.

Granted, but since TV is sooooo interesting now, everyone stays at home to watch TV 24 hours a day, even people like reporters & actors & directors. And so no one makes any new programs for the TV, & everyone died of boredom.
(Whew, that's like the longest backfire I'd ever typed!)
I wish that someone will start Did that actually happened? III.

Granted, but you couldn't post in it.

I wish to go bungee jumping. (This isn't going to end well.)

Granted, but the rubber snaps and you go rocketing in to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, a Cthulhu super darkness move, a Light Saber blow from the Beatles, a Narwhal spear, and a Doctor doom blow.
I wish for Night Whispers (the book).

Granted, but randomly Obama banns the book in the USA and while you are reading it in the middle of the night, FBI agants suddently storm in and confiscate your book and sentence you to 6 months in prison.

I wish for something simple- a Sandwich!

Granted you get a witch that can make sand sculptures come to life and takes over the world. You also become here personal foot stool.

I wish my graphic card would just catch fire already and be done with it so I can finally know that it is no longer working.

Granted, but the fire spread and burnt your home, your life savings, and your leg.

I wish for an English copy of Pokemon Black to appear in my mailbox tomorrow morning.

Granted, but a burgler stole it that morning before you took it.

I wish that **** wasnt a bad word.

Granted, but to replace it, the word 'the' is now a bad word.

I wish that the word 'the' was a good word again.

Granted , but the definition of good is now bad so "the" and every word is now a bad word

I wish I had more than one slice of pizza

Granted, you now have 1 and 0.00000000000000000001 slices of pizza. Bon Apetite!

I wish I could spell Bon Apetite right (unless its already right).

Granted you can spell bon appetit but now you can't spell the word "a" correctly and are ridiculed for the rest of your life forcing you to live in a Styrofoam box.

I wish that the Seahawks beat the Bears tomorrow and go on to win the super bowl

Granted, but out of nowhere the Buffalo Bills run into the stadium and steal the trophy.

I wish I could find my calendar-marking pen. (You know, the pen you only use for marking days off your calendar. Right now it's still the fourth.)

Granted, but the cap was left off so once you find it, the pen is all dried up.

I wish that they won't find me....

Granted but the thing below this does.


I wish Swampert won the SPEC.

Granted Then nintendo thought it a great idea to allow every pokemon in the game to learn Grass know!!!

I wish that i become the sexiest person on earth.

Granted, but then the definition of "sexiest person on earth" changes to become, "ugliest person on earth." (not that I'm bashing you)
I wish that my Totodile breeding goes well.

Granted, but you breed so many totodiles that your games crashes and erupts into a green flame of crusing deafet leaving to scream while the camera zooms out and some guy pops put and says "Your on candid camera!". They lthen leave without giving you a new game.

I wish for the unwishable.

Granted. You get death. (for yourself XP)

I wish would get better in the game. Like have him learn Flare Blitz!

Granted, but nintendo then decides to makea game that has nothing but eeveelutions, and people hate the game so much that nintendo goes belly up, and is bought out by girl guide cookies, and they now make cookies!

I wish i didnt wih for the unwishable.

Granted, but youre still dead from my last wish.

I wish Nintendo would make better pokemon games.

Granted, but Nintendo has little to do with it.
I wish for moar moneh

Granted but i you get moar moneh which is not a word so you get nothing.

I wish for a back-scratcher that actually works

Granted, but the back-scratcher is so sharp it cuts into your skin and you end up with a 1 inch (width) gash on your back.

I wish all microscopic organisms would obey my every command without question!!!