Okay, this story is set in the region of Atheca. It is about a boy named Joshua who is 14 years old, and getting ready to start his Pokemon adventure. He rarely sees his parents because his mother is a Elite 5 leader and his father was the gym leader of the Sparkity City Gym, which specalizes in Electric pokemon. He is 5'8", and has brown hair and hazel eyes. He has a good build and has one pokemon, an whose nickname was "Phantom"
Anyway, here is the story
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Chapter 1 - Bonding

*ring!**ring!**ring!* went the alarm clock.
Joshua lurched out of bed and looked at the clock.
6 o'clock already! Man, I gotta get booking Phantom thought, for today was the most important day of his life. Today was the day that him and Phantom would start the journey of a lifetime, and try to achieve one single goal, become the Pokemon Champion.

As he dressed, he thought of all that had to be done before he could get going. He had promised his next door neighbor that he would join him. That was fine. His neighbor's name is Jessica. Jessica had been Joshua's neighbor for four years now. The instant they had met, they knew they were going to be best friends, but rivals. For Joshua idolized Dark Pokemon, which was why he had gotten a from the Professor, but Jessica loved Psychic and Fighting pokemon. Joshua had no problem with her liking Psychic, because Dark pawned Psychic, but the Fighting pokemon, he just couldn't stand, for they could hurt his Phantom. It was funny too, because Jessica's starting pokmeon she had chosen was a , a combination of the two.
Joshua made his way downstairs and saw a note on the table. He walked over and read:
Joshua,
I know how much you wanted us there for your leaving, but our careers call. I have made you some breakfast, your favorite, French toast with some Chesto berries. I may not be there in flesh, but always know that me and Dad love you and are shouting our encouragement always.
Love always,
Mom and Dad

Typical, Joshua thought, once again their careers are more important than their son.

Joshua walked over to the fridge and opened it and grabbed a soda, not caring for the food, and made for the door. Then all of the sudden, Jessica came in.

Jessica looked beautiful. Her long, smooth brown hair was tied back into a single pony tail. She was wearing a Spaghetti Strap shirt that had stripes all over it. The shorts she was wearing were, astounding. She had no shoes on. That was no surprise to Joshua for she hated to wear shoes.

Joshua just stared at Jessica. He was dumbfounded. He had always thought she was pretty, but he had never noticed really how pretty she was. It was instant infatuation.

"Um, . . uh. . . . , hi," Joshua managed to get out.

"Hi, are you almost ready?" asked Jessica.

This time, to keep his cool, Joshua just nodded his head.

Jessica smiled. It was perfect, her lips, teeth and facial features.

"Joshua, are you okay?" she asked.

"Joshua!" she exclaimed a second time.

Joshua shook his head and said, "Ya, just dozed off for a minute. Lets get going."

The walked out the door together and made for Route 301. As Joshua thought about it, the more he felt that him and Jessica should team up and become a pair of trainers. Together, they made a formidable duo. He gave voice to his idea.

"I've been thinking. With my Phantom and your , we make a good team. I was wondering if maybe you would like to, um . . . . . . , you know, team up, become partners?" asked Joshua, now wishing he was buried twenty feet in the ground, where no one could find him.

Jessica was silent for a minute and after a few quick breaths from Joshua, she replied: "I don't know, Joshua. I mean, we've been friends for four years right? Well, you like Dark pokemon, I like Fighting and Psychic. Thats not a good match."

Joshua just dropped his head and mumbled dejectedly, "I knew it."

He hadn't mumbled low enough, because Jessica heard it and in an instant she was saying, "I wasn't finished. I don't think we'll be a good team, but I am willing to give it a try. Together me and you will become Champion, if all works well, of course."

Joshua was so happy he reached over and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He hadn't realized what he had done, until after he had done it. His face turned scarlet red from embarasment, as did Jessica.

The two were so busy blushing and not paying attention when all of the sudden, a wild popped out and attacked . Joshua, feeling over-confindent, steped up and said, "Let me take care of this. Defeating Psychic's are my speciality."

But, Jessica, feeling sorry for the stepped up and said, "No! Stop! Even though we are partners, we each catch our own pokemon. Ralts is a Psychic pokmeon and you know how I feel about them. So, please don't hurt it, let me 'whittle' down its healt and catch it. Please?"

The look in Jessica's eyes was too much for Joshua. He couldn't say no. So, he agreed and Jessica sent out her .

"Breaker, use Double Kick!"

Breaker was a good and fast pokemon. His attacks hit. Each of its legs popped out from under him and hit the . But, since it was a fighting move against a Psychic, there wasn't much damage.

used Confusion!

fell over in pain from the attack. But, he was quickly back up.

"Are you okay? Are you sure you wanna fight?" Jessica asked Breaker.

"(I'll be fine)" answered .

"Okay then, use Focus Energy."

Meditite suddenly froza and started to shake. He was focusing and wasn't going to lose focus.

used Growl.

Hearing the growl, Breaker started to lose his focus, but Jessica urged him on. Hearing her, Breaker kept focus.

"Okay, now use Double Kick!" said Jessica.

Once again, the two legs of broke out from under him and hit , but had a different effect this time. This time, there was a critical hit, and , being low on health, became confused due to fatique.

Jessica seized the opportunity and threw a PokeBall.

The PokeBall opened up and sucked in the confused . It swayed to the left and then to the right and then left again. Then it sat still. Jessica, who had been holding her breath, gulped in the air and rejoiced that she had caught the .

"Whatcha' gonna call it?" asked Joshua.

"I think I'm gonna call her Psi," answered Jessica, after thinking momentarily, "what do you think?"

"I think thats a good name for a Psychic pokemon," returned Joshua.

"Now it is your turn to catch a pokemon, Joshua," said Jessica.

In reply, Joshua waded into the tall grass to look for some pokemon, hoping there were some dark pokemon around. Then it jumped at him, a .

Joshua, being briefly startled, fell over and hit the ground with a hard thump! But he quickly recovered.

It's not what I wanted, but its a good pokemon and I've read about them, they can be pretty good pokmeon Joshua thought, so he sent out his , Phantom.

"Phantom, use Bite!" exclaimed Joshua.

Phantom made a move toward , but it being a smaller pokemon; it jumped out of the way right as the jaws clamped back together.

The used Water Gun, and it hit Phantom, making his fur get all wet.

"Okay, Phantom, use Bite again, but be quicker this time!" Joshua said encouragingly.

Phantom opened its jaws wide and made the move. It hit! The wild was now in Phantom's mouth, making it flnch and not be able to attack.

"Phantom, drop it!" ordered Joshua.

Phantom opened its mouth and dropped the . Being a bit dazed, the did nothing but sit there.

Joshua, knowing this might be his only chance, took a PokeBall from his pack and threw it at the . The ball, once again, opened up and sucked in the . It swayed to the left, then to the right, and then to the left again. Sensing that he had caught the pokemon, he leaped into the air and gave a loud cheer, and scared off some and in the grass.

Happy for each other's successes, the two trainers headed for the nearby town of Plock and bought each other a drink as their pokemon rested at the nearby Pokemon Centre. As they sat, the two trainers sat and talked about their first pokemon they caught. They talked about the nicknames they had given to their new pokemon (Joshua called his new "Squirt"), the moves they had used in the battle, and talked of how they already missed home. But that was the life they had once had, not now; they were now on their way to becoming Pokemon Champions.

The sun started getting lower as they continued talking. Then, after the sun was finally gone and the bright moon was out, they decided to call it a night. They went to the Pokemon Centre and retrieved thier pokemon, which were now fully restored, said good-bye, and decided to meet outside of the PokeMart in the morning.

They each rented a room in the Town Hotel. They got seperate rooms and said good-night and went inside. Once their heads hit the pillow, they were fast asleep, dreaming of their upcoming battles.

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Thats the end of Chapter 1. Post what you think. But please, be nice.

what do you mean?

EDIT: Never mind. I know now. I'm gonna edit it and add a battle in there, do think that might work?

:roll:

Yet another 14 year old boy who gets his Pokemon. How boring.

As TeenageAngst said in my story your sentences don't flow; you have too many short sentences. It might be easier to join them together, or if needed change the format of your writing.

I suppose it's okay, but with the abrupt sentences and the fact that it's Pokemon, I have to take many points off.

Because it was another Pokemon story, you start off with 5/10. And because you sentences don't flow, I'll take 1 more point off. That leaves you with 4/10.

<center>OFFICIAL STORY RATER RATING
4/10
40% out of 100%</center>

If you want to impress me, you'll kick this up a notch and make it unique. But that's up to you. Adding a battle because you rushed the end is not a good idea. That shows you just want to throw somehting in there to make it look good. Try not to do that, be proud of your writing. Don't edit the first chapter, just do better next time.

Okay, updated the first chapter to be longer.

Keep going! It's not worthy to have an unfinished story

Chapter 2 - Revelations

Joshua woke up early and refreshed from a good nights sleep. He sat up in bed and thought about the other days events: leaving on his pokemon journey with Jessica, how he had noticed how beautiful she was (he still blushed at the fact), how they had joined together, how he and Jessica had both caught their first pokemon, and how they had talked, just talked, together long into the night. As Joshua was thinking, he got out of bed and took a much-needed shower. After he had finished the shower, he dried off and put some clothes on, grabbed his pack, belted on his pokemon, and headed out the door.

Sleeping in the same hotel was great, because all Joshua had to do was walk across the hall and knock on the door.

"Yes?" asked Jessica.

"Hey, it's me. I'm gonna be waiting for you by the PokeMart. Okay?" he asked.

"That's what we agreed on, wasn't it?" asked Jessica.

"Oh, yeah," Joshua said back feeling really stupid.

After that, the conversation was over, so he headed down the stairs and went for the door. As he was passing through the door, he noticed a sign on the window. Suddenly, he stopped to read the poster.
WANTED:
{picture of Team Magma Executives}
Wanted for murder and an assualt on the Elite Five Stadium.

MURDER?They were wanted for murder and assault? Oh, no. Mom! Joshua thought.

He quickly ran to the clerk at the table.

"Can I please borrow your phone?" asked Joshua.

"No, it is only for authorized use," replied the clerk.

"Look, you asshole, my mother was at the Elite Five Stadium and shes is a Leader there. In case you haven't read what has been put up in your hotel, then you need to go over there and read it. Well, actually just wait right there, and I'll go get it for you!" yelled Joshua with rage filling up inside of him.

Joshua walked over the door and ripped off the sign. He carried over there and placed it right in front of the clerk's nose. The clerk put on his spectacles and looked down at the paper. His expression went from annoyance and anger to compassion and sorrow.

"I-i-i-i. . . I didn't know. I'm so sorry," said the clerk, keeping his head low from shame, "But don't use the telephone. The phone lines are probably all busy. Here, I'll turn on the news. It's bound to be on there."

The clerk reached for the remote and clicked the on button. The TV sprang to life and started to show colored, moving pictures. The clerk turned to channel 105, which was the local New Channel. Joshua looked in despair at the ruins of the Elite Five Stadium.

How did they do that and why? thought Joshua.

Suddenly, an announcer came on and started to read the news: "The world of Atheca is at a loss for words as Team Magma, from the region of Hoenn, desecrated the Elite Five Stadium. Their numbers were magnificent and even the Elite Five couldn't stand a chance. Sadly, one of the Elite Five members was killed, Elizabeth Caine.
Elizabeth Caine is the mother of 1 and the wife of Sparkity Town's Gym Leader, Mark. Recent information reports that their son, Joshua, left yesterday to start his Pokemon Journey, to one day follow in his mother and father's footsteps. Here is some footage of the attack."

The footage that was being played was unbelievable. There were about 30 Team Magma leaders and only 5 Elites. The Champion had been away. Joshua's face was wet with tears as he saw his mother fall from an attack by a Team Magma's . The had used Flamethrower. His mother, not having any pokemon left, had nothing to help block the attack. The attack hit her and she was killed instantly by the sudden blast of heat. He watched his mother fall to the ground.

More tears welled up in his eyes and just dropped. That was when Jessica came down and saw Joshua. She followed his eyes and watched the footage. She gasped and put her hands to her face.

"Oh, no," she breathed.
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Thats Chapter 2. What do you think? I know it is short, but that was all that there needed to be in that Chapter.

10/10 VERY GOOD VERY GOOD
Dont listen to the "cridicts" Your doing a FINE JOB.

Well, he said to be unique and that is being unique.

Very good Water Phantom alot better than some i've read with nothing but pokemon battles atleast ur's goes into feelings mor i'll give it a 7.5/10

Chapter 3 - Decisions

Joshua and Jessica just stood there watching the video of the Elite Five being attacked. Luckiy only one member was killed, but the rest wree hospitalized. Joshua's stomach was in knots. That one unlucky one was his mother. The Elite Five Leader Elizabeth, the Grass Master. The picture of her limp, charred body would be imbeded in his mind forever.

The more Joshua thought of it, the more he wanted revenge. The clerk, who had seen enough, took the remote and clicked the off button. The TV once again became unmoving and silent.

Tears were freely rolling down Joshua and Jessica's faces. They were still at a loss for words. How could they do it and why? That was the question that Joshua kept running through his mind. He kept thinking about it until he could not think anymore. Jessica offered to skip the training and head for Sparkity City.

"No! My mother wanted me to be a trainer, so I will," answered Joshua, "but know this, I will get my revenge. Even you can't stop me from being the good guy. I will seek out Team Magma and kill them."

Jessica was astounded by the rage that filled Joshua's voice. This wasn't the Joshua she had known for four years. This was the new Joshua that she would have to get to know. To help quell his anger and rage, Jessica put one of her tanned, soft hands on Joshua's cheek and lifted his head up. When she looked into his eyes, she gasped. His eye's had turned red!! She couldn't believe it. She had heard about this: There were unseen pokemon at work that fed rage. If there was enough rage in a person, the pokemon would alter their appearances.

WiLL Finsih LATER! I G2G

Well, it's getting better. But I just don't see swearing in Pokemon. (Next time I go into the chats I'll be kicked for saying that )

It's my opinion, it wasn't expected. I didn't know what to think, I was....well....kind of stunned. It is more "unique", so I'll add some points.

<center>STORY RATER RATING
5.5/10</center>

Keep on going, the only way my rate will increase is if you keep on going.

very good it's very interesting 8/10

AWSOME I like it keep it up!!!
i CANT WAIT for the next chapter!
I give it a 10/10!!!!!!!!

Thanks. I'll update it as soon as i can

very interesting!i'll give it a 9/10!

thanks alot
heres the rest of chapter 3!
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Jessica didn't think that could really happen. She didn't even know if she believed it: evil Pokemon spirits changing people's appearance and attittude. When she had read the information, she had dismissed it as a bunch of poppycock. But now; now she was experiencing it with her best friend, who had just sworn to kill the person that killed his own mother.

Jessica was now afraid to look at her once best friend who had already started to change. First it was the red eyes and now he was growing bigger, literally. Now, none of his clothes seemed to fit. She had tried to talk to Joshua to calm his nerves, but it was to no avail. No matter how much she tried, he just wouldn't listen. It seemed to go in one hear and out the other.

Over the next few weeks, Joshua said little. If he said something, it was usually only a one word sentence: "Yes", "No", "Maybe", etc. He hadn't given up battling, though. Even with the recent loss of his mother, Joshua kept to her wishes. He had now leveled up his pokemon and added some pokemon to his team. His team now consisted of: , , , , and . But the more Joshua trained, the more Jessica noticed that his pokemon began to also change; emotionally, but not physically, at least, not yet. His pokemon had more of a desire to inflict pain in battle.

Jessica had also added some pokemon to her team. Her team consisted of , , , and . She had worked with them hard, and never near Joshua when he was battling. She didn't want her pokemon to have the same "spell" cast over them like Joshua's.

One daya new trainer came to town. The trainer was a 20 year old who had just come from Olivine City. He was tall and had black eyes, along with black hair. Actually, he was totally black, just not on the skin. The black clothes on his white skin made him look extremely pale, but he was still real attractive.

She walked up to man and asked him polietly, "Excuse me, sir. Would you like to battle?"

The man smiled instantly. "Yeah, sure. You look pretty tough."

Jessica blushed at the commen and started walking toward the battling room with her opponent. On the way there, she started to make a nice, quick conversation. "So, where are you from?"

"Olivine City. You?" the strange character replied, bouncing back the question.

"I'm from Pilate Town," answered Jessica, "do you mean the Olivine over in Johto?"

"No, there is another Olivine City here in the Atheca region. Why did they name it that? I don't know."

By now they had made their way across the town to the tall, bamboo building that had a sign in front: Battle Room. The two opponents made their way up the steps and into the room. The aroma from the room made them a bit dizzy, but after they got ued to it, their head cleared.

They made their way over to one of the mats and wished each other good luck.

"Go, Psi!" said Jessica throwing out her .
The that Jessica threw out was just majestic. The long green hair just waved around as she floated. (do gardevoir floats?)

"Go, Shadow!" said the man, whose name was Travis, throwing out his .

I gotta go, mother is pestering me to get off. I'll try to finish the chapter asap.

very good can't wait till u finish it

This is definitely getting better, as I re-read the part about the Elite Five, the more emotional it becomes. A major improvement.

Although I can't control your fanfic, I would personally be careful about Joshua's transformation. Making him inhuman, and the size of the hulk would be disappointing.

<center>STORY RATING
~6.0/10~</center>

Keep it up.

he won't be the size of Hulk, you'll just have to wait and see.
lets see if i can finish chapter 3
The new title is called Proposition (not decisions)!!!
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Not ever seeing a Dusclops before kinda threw Jessica off guard. Travis took advantage of her suprise and attacked, "Shadow, use Shadow Ball!"

took a ball and made it into a black color and rolled it toward Psi.

"Psi, get out of the way!" yelled Jessica, "then use Psychic!!"

Psi jumped out of the way just in time as the ball rolled past her. Psi used Psychic and hit the Dusclops. Shadow was a bit stunned from the hit, but quickly recovered.

While the battle progressed, Joshua walked in and watched them battle. He had never seen Jessica battle a trainer before. She was really strong, even against a pokemon that was her weakness, but sadly her fainted and she sent out , whose nickname was Majestic.

Majestic made quick work of the opponent's . Travis then sent out his last pokemon, which was a .

THe battle progressed, but the just wouldn't fall. Jessica's Majestic fell, as well as her . She left it all up to Breaker, her starting pokemon. Even though the was so close to fainting from all of Breaker's Fire Punches, Breaker still fell in the end.

The two trainers went over and shook hands and sighed a sigh of relief. The battle was tiring for them.

"You are really good, no one can usually beat my Shadow," said Travis.

"That's cool, I just gotta work some more," answered Jessica.

"Well, my name's Travis by the way," he said putting out his hand.

Jessica took it firmly and replied, "Jessica."

That was when they both saw Joshua standing there. For a while now, Jessica just didn't bother to talk with him, so she just nodded her head and walked off. Travis stayed and studyed Joshua. Joshua did the same as he walked over.

"You did well," said Joshua, "no one has ever beat her."

"Oh, well," replied Travis.

"You use dark pokemon don't you?"

"Yes, dark and ghost. Why?"

"I'm a big fan of dark pokemon. I'm trying to find more here, but there aren't any more, and I'm waiting here for my father," said Joshua.

"Why are you waiting for your father?"

"Well, did you here about the Elite Five Stadium member that was killed? Well, that person was my mother." Tears started to flow from Joshua's eyes as he talked."That day when I found out, I swore vengence for my mother"

"You are Joshua Caine?" asked Travis excitedly.

"Yea," he replied.

"Well, I have a proposition for you that will help you make your vengence .. . . . . . . . "

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What is the proposition? What will Joshua do? Will him and Jessica ever make up? What about his father? Find out in Chapter 4: Decisions and Consequences

Great cliff hanger! I am definitely going to continue. Good job with that.

The fan-fic is on hold for a little bit, because I am waiting for permission to do something.

Okay! Got permission the fanfic will continue! *blows horn and throws confetti* Please note this is a very emotional chapter. Do not read if you get emotional
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Chapter 4 - Decisions and Consequences (Part 1)
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"Well, I have a proposition for you that will help you make your vengence," said Travis.

"I'm listening," replied Joshua as his eyes started to get a hint of red.

"I am the leader of a team. This team is called Team Midnight. We are the bitter rivals of Team Magma. We have vowed to put an end to their crimes. We have even recieved tips on why they attacked the Elite Five Stadium in the Atheca region, but I can't tell you why just yet. We are stationed in Olivine City in the Ateca region. Our spies over in Hoenn reported that Team Magma has 'settled down' in Slateport City. Now, Team Midnight has been able to charter a passage to Hoenn on a frieghter. Now, we are leaving in a week, so if you want to come along, you will have to join us. I am offering you a position of Co-Leader! What do you say?" explained Travis.

"Um . . . . I don't know, I mean, . . . . . . .wow. I just don't know," said Joshua.

"This is a one time offer.I will be leaving in three days. We specialize in Dark and Ghost pokemon, which I hear, are your speciality," said Travis trying to persuade Joshua, "wouldn't you just love to have revenge on Team Magma for the death of your mother?"

All of the sudden, Joshua's eyes turned blood red and he screamed in rage and pushed Travis to the ground. "I'll go!"

"Excellent!" exclaimed Travis as he patted Joshua on the back, "good man!"

Joshua ran into the hotel and ran up the stairs and then to his room. He quickly opened the door and shut it behind him. He ran to his closet and started to throw out his clothes onto the bed. Then after he had all of his clothes on the bed, he walked over and put them in his bag. After he had packed all of his possessions packed, he layed the bag on the bed and walked out of the room.

"Yes?" asked Jessica on the other side of the door.

"Can you please come out? I need to talk to you about something and I don't have a lot of time," said Joshua.

You could hear Jessica's footsteps as she walked up and unlocked the door and came out of her room. She was wearing a shirt and skirt.

"What do you want to talk about?" asked Jessica, "beacuse, maybe as you can see, I'm going out with someone."

"Who?"

"None of your business. Maybe if you were the old Joshua that I grew up with, I'd tell you, but you're not that Joshua anymore. So, just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you," said Jessica as she turned toward her door.

Before she went in, Joshua grabbed her arm. Jessica's sweet face instantly turned to anger. "Joshua, let go of me!" she exclaimed.

Joshua's eyes turned red and he replied, "No! I told you to listen to me, so you're going to!"

"No!" said Jessica as she grabbed a PokeBall and threw it and said, "Go, Breaker!"

popped out of the ball. "Help me, Breaker!"

Sensing her master in trouble, Breaker instantly attacked with a fire punch. 's fist balled up and sprouted flames. Breaker pulled his arm back and brought it forward with a huge ferocity. The attack hit Joshua's hand.

Joshua screamed in pain and let go of Jessica's hand. In anger, Joshua grabbed a Pokeball and sent out his , nicknamed Sky.

"Sky, use Aerial Ace!"

As in reply, Sky moved lightning quick and attacked with the Aerial Ace move and was too quick for Breaker. It hit and Breaker instantly fainted.

"Good, now do it again and show her that I mean buisness," said Joshua evily, as his eyes started to once again glow with a great hatred.

As Sky attacked, Jessica exclaimed while running to protect Breaker,"No!"

She wasn't fast enough, so flew into the air from the attack. Jessica's face was filled with anquish as she watched her first and favorite pokemon fall from the sky. Breaker opened his eyes and looked at Jessica and seemed to smile. AFter the smile, Breaker closed her eyes, breathed a final sigh of relief, and died.

"No!!! I hate you!" yelled Jessica as tears streamed from her eyes. "Help, someone help!"

Hearing the commotion, the clerk had called the Pokemon Police. By now, the police were here and ran upstairs when Jessica yelled. Joshua heard the police coming up the steps, so he called his Swellow and ran to the window. He broke it and jumped on Sky's back and soared out the window.

Before he left, Jessica had seen Joshua's face after he had killed her first and favorite pokemon. He had actually smiled; smiled because of his first "kill".

Her and the officers ran outside and looked up and saw Joshua soaring away on his . As she watched him, she thought of what he would know do, for he was:

a fugitive on the run
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Theres Chapter 4 Part 1. There will be more decisions and consequences to come.
What! A fugitive! Yes, Joshua is now a fugitive! What will he do? Will he go to Travis for help? What about Jessica? What about Breaker? Find out in Chapter 4 - Decisions and Consequences Part 2
What do you think?

"This is a one time offer."

Life-time.

Before he left, Jessica had seen Joshua's face after he had killed her first and favorite pokemon. He had actually smiled; smiled because of his first "kill".

Try not to overuse Q, the k word. Kids can be reading your story.

Her and the officers ran outside and looked up and saw Joshua soaring away on his . As she watched him, she thought of what he would know do, for he was:

a fugitive on the run

She and the officers.

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Don't be at me.......

but did you like it?